A Single’s Guide to Throwing Holiday Parties

The holidays are here!

From Halloween until the start of Lent, life is full of opportunities to celebrate. Unfortunately, too many singles greet the holiday seasons with a sigh—maybe next year you’ll be in a position to throw a "real party". After all, hosting is something couples do, right? Single people throw keggers or get dressed up in hopes that the one other single person at a married friend’s party is attractive, interesting, or at least not the girl you failed to click with last year.

Nope! Toss that assumption out the window.

Like so many social assumptions, this one is decidedly untrue. Single people can and should host amazing parties! From small gatherings to full-on dinner parties, you don’t need a spouse to celebrate with friends. Whether you live in a cramped apartment or a sprawling fixer-upper, throwing holiday parties is a fun way to bring more cheer to everyone’s holiday season. 

But maybe you’ve heard one too many well-meaning friends ask: “is this a real party, or just an excuse to invite Lana to your house?” (as if it can't possibly be both). If you don’t want to answer—or are hoping to avoid the question altogether, build your party around a theme. Not just Thanksgiving, Christmas, or New Year’s; pick a personalized theme, mix a matching cocktail (or mocktail), and send out invitations. Nothing says “Yes, this is a real party” like putting some serious effort into the planning.  

The guest list.

If there’s someone you’d like to get to know better, definitely invite him (or her). It’s not a date, but nothing says “I’m interested and interesting” like an invitation to a great party. But stick to one potential date per party. Don’t try to recreate the Bachelor, everyone will be miserable—just like in the show. Instead, fill your guest list with people you like spending time with. 

Sometimes, you have to comb through your friends to find the people who will really enjoy the theme of your party. It’s not unkind to choose not to invite a friend who just won’t enjoy the party. For example, last October, I hosted a Goth-o-ween party. Everyone dressed up like a 90s goth club.

We had a playlist, homemade ‘takeout’ Chinese food, themed cocktails, and an absinthe, clove, and black chocolate cheesecake. It was beautiful—particularly because I only invited friends who would enter into the spirit of the party. Those who would either feel uncomfortable, or who had no interest in dressing up got to wait for the next event. They didn’t have to turn me down, and I didn’t have to change my party to suit them.

When you’re dreaming up a party, picking guests is as important as picking a theme. 

“I feel weirdly formal...”

Of course you do! Hosting anything with more structure than a movie night is pretty unusual these days. The first few times you do it, it’ll feel vaguely like you’re channeling your 1950’s grandmother—but don’t worry, she’d be proud of you. Go ahead, host a card party in her honor!

The truth is, though you might feel awkward at first, your friends will be thrilled. People are longing for intentional community. Well-planned gatherings used to be a natural part of every single person’s social life. Soirees, dinner parties, cocktail parties, picnics, and other excuses to pull out the jello mold were the best part of being single in the early-mid twentieth century. Bringing them back (with or without the jello) can help balance out the loneliness and isolation that’s been building up over the past few years. 

There’s no need to be formal though. A little structure, a little planning, and a lot of go-with-the-flow is essential here. A theme, a guest list, and a few well-chosen limitations are all it takes. 

At one point, my husband and I hosted Shakespeare parties on a rotating basis with 5-7 other people. We’d pick a play and a location, then we’d read the play aloud while eating and talking. It was limited to people who loved Shakespeare, and we (almost) always read through the entire play during the party, but it felt delightfully casual. 

The drink menu.

Do you need some ideas? Don’t worry, I’m here for you—take them and make them your own. Drinks don’t have to be liquor-based, or even alcoholic at all to add a bit of excitement to your party. A well-crafted cocktail can be a work of art and a conversation starter. 

The New Year’s Resolution

Mocktails aren’t discount cocktails, they’re delicious and exciting. While cocktails can sometimes be overpowered by the flavor of the liquor, mocktails have a wider range of flavors. Serve this delicious kombucha-based mocktail anytime. Start by pouring peach kombucha over frozen strawberries. Then, top the kombucha with lemon or lime infused sparkling water (I love this juice and water combo). Garnish with a fresh strawberry, and sip with friends while planning to make the new year amazing. 

Intentional Community

I made this cocktail for our group of far-flung, rural friends. Single and married, happy and struggling—we make sure that small gatherings are a consistent part of all our lives. As a rural, land-based bunch of people, my Intentional Community cocktail is simply a glass of bourbon, with a splash of cider, garnished with bacon and an apple slice. A cocktail that celebrates the life and people who make your world a better place is an Intentional Community. If you’re gathering friends for an autumn party, pour out my cozy, Intentional Community cocktail to sip around the bonfire. 

The Social Media Blackout

For those intentionally undistracted parties—you know, the ones where guests actually talk to each other instead of just sharing photos on social media. Everyone should host a blackout party at least once. Have your guests turn off their phones and drop them in a basket by the door. Then, hand them a ‘blackout’. Make black gin by adding a teaspoon of activated charcoal to a 75ml bottle of good gin and shaking well. Then build a basic martini. Skip the olive and garnish with an orange peel or cocktail onion instead. Now you’re ready for deep conversations and late nights on the patio with new friends and old.

Winter Spritzer

For casual dinner parties with friends, spritzers are fantastic. They’re wine-based, pair well with meals, and have a low alcohol level—so you don’t have to worry too much about overindulging. For the Winter Spritzer, add a splash of grapefruit (or orange) bitters, muddled rosemary, and a few ice cubes to a glass, then fill the rest of the glass with champagne or prosecco. Winter spritzers can be dressed up with a splash of gin, or you can go alcohol free by replacing the wine with infused, sparkling water. This is an easy drink to play around with, so make sure your guests know their options. 

The Punch Bowl

Everybody loves a punch bowl. They’re the best option for big gatherings, unless you want to spend the whole evening playing bartender. If you’re hosting a party for a bunch of people who don’t know each other, set out a few punch bowls to encourage people to gather and start new conversations. Mixing up punch can be beautiful, or it can be a fun way to play with flavors and displays. Punches can be creamy, fruity, boozy, or some combination of those. Mix up an alcoholic and non-alcoholic option, set up a punch table, and leave your guests to get to know each other around the punch bowl.

Stargazer Eggnog

There is nothing better than homemade eggnog. In the holiday season, bundle up with a few friends, or host a double-blind, outdoor date with a friend and some matches you’ve been hoping to meet up with. Enjoy the winter stars, and sip homemade eggnog. Eggnog is actually very easy to make. Raw egg yolks, light cream, a pinch of nutmeg, vanilla, and an (optional) splash of bourbon or rum is all you need. Whip it all up and top it with cinnamon and 1 whole star anise—just to garnish. 

Set the theme and go for it.

Until you start thinking about party themes, the idea seems a bit overwhelming, doesn’t it? But then, one thing leads to another and that 90s party becomes an “our Boomer parents in the 90s” party, which grows into a “spirit of 1987” book-club (just like mom used to host!).

Let your mind wander. Make a spider-chart of ideas. It doesn’t have to be wild either. I’ve hosted garden parties, saint’s day parties, garden-to-table dinners, and ‘pot-luck’ cocktail parties where each guest brings the mixing for his or her favorite drink. 

Are you ready to get hosting? It’s time to set aside the assumptions and stereotypes. Don’t put limits on yourself, hosting is for everyone. All it takes is a little confidence. Who knows, maybe your party will inspire your friends to start hosting as well. Let’s make real, live social gatherings a part of the holidays again!