Why Have Kids?

I once saw a condom ad on a billboard. It showed dozens of sperm swimming towards a single egg. The caption read: For a million little reasons. You might imagine my reaction to be a mix of sadness and outrage. Yes, but overriding those emotions was a sense of awe. I marveled at the image. This is how we all came to be. I found myself thanking God for His masterful design—that the love between two people would be fruitful. It would bring into existence another person, body and soul, who would share characteristics of both to the delight of both.

He has your ears.

She has your temper!

A family.

And yet this great mystery is displayed for public scorn—not just on that billboard. Everywhere.

Since we have seven children I’ve heard my share of it. Usually people try to convince me of the obvious:

Kids are work.

Tell me about it. It’s as obvious as that baby belly I’ll never get rid of.

Kids are demanding.

Well, okay. But only physically, emotionally, mentally, and financially.

Kids take up years and years of your life.

Years which I could have to myself doing something else that requires work and sacrifice.

Then there are the jokesters:

Pregnant? I hope it's not catching.

Original. Not.

Now this would be original:

Rich? I hope it's not catching.

Why is it that no one aspires to be money-poor yet so many aspire to be child-poor? Even those who do want kids often talk about them as if they are a potentially dangerous substance:

Use only in strict moderation. Time carefully. Above all, be careful not to let them wreck your love life. (Kids may be optional but sex never is.)

What do you say to these people?

My mother used to say: "I'll take as many children as God sends."

But I couldn't say that. I wasn't sure I was brave enough.

Instead, I tried telling people:

Kids are rewarding.

Really, what’s a better payoff than the love of another person? It starts on Day One when you hold their tiny body against yours and claim them as your own and suddenly you realize that there is no comparison to anything else you’ve ever done or had. You’ve just met someone you will live for and you would die for.

I've wanted to describe what it’s like when you discover that you mean the world to them too. Their first impressions are of you—making them smile, making them comfortable, making them safe. You walk in the room and they light up.

Then there's the fact that when kids grow up they are there for you when you need them, just as you were for them. “Let me carry that for you, Mom.” “Need me to pick anything up at the store?” “Don’t worry about the dishes. I’ll do them." Last week I got a random text: “Thank you, mom and dad, for 19 awesome years!!! I love you!!!!!”

But I've never been able to articulate those things. I always get tongue tied. I finally figured out why.

It's because Catholics come at the issue of having children from a completely different starting off place. Not—I want children for my own personal satisfaction. But—I want children if that is what God wants for me and I want them His way. No barriers of my own making. (Uh, Mom I think that's what you were getting at.)

The two paradigms are mutually exclusive. God's plan or my own?

God designed love to be fruitful. Not just in the creation of new life ala babies but in ways you can't imagine. Pope Francis recently said, "Life rejuvenates and acquires energy when it multiplies: It is enriched, not impoverished.” In other words, the more the merrier. Don't put a barrier up against the good God wants to do for you. It's work. It's demanding. It takes years and years—for a purpose. Our transformation. Are you brave enough? Neither am I. That's why grace was invented. Ask for it. God's hand is open.

You will spend the best years of your life standing over your children: correcting, teaching, and guiding them to be a better version of themselves. Then one day you will find that they have mysteriously worked to correct, teach and guide you to be a better version of yourself.

Steve McEveety, best known for Braveheart and The Passion of the Christ, expressed it. "When we first started having kids I started going to Mass once a week because of the kids more than anything. So God got a hold of me after many years and so I’ve been converted, so my kids certainly had a lot to do with where I am in my faith right now."

And so I've been converted—for a million little reasons.