Why Do We Settle for Passion Instead of Love?

Hang on to your TV remotes. Another season of programming has begun. And, just like past year's, there will be no shortage of episodes that portray love as nothing more than a feeling. Shows like the Bachelor or Bachelorette, Love at First Kiss, and 16 and Pregnant are feeding youth and young adults an impoverished example of love that is cleverly disguised as the real thing.

What is real love? Going back to these series, love is portrayed as a strong emotional union with another; something everyone needs. While this understanding includes some truth, it equates love as a passion; a movement of the senses that inclines someone to act. But love is more than a passion. It's more than a feeling.

Love is a decision to will the good of another. It moves a person to make a decision and pursue the good as created by God. Love provides direction and sends you on a journey towards God and his charity. It moves you beyond sentimentality to achieving the good that God intends for you. Love always includes God.

Passions, on the other hand, are aimless.

They blow like the wind in all directions. They can incline you to move towards the good God intends, or they can lead you in the opposite direction. Passions are notorious for their fleeting and unreliable nature.

So many TV programs imply that love and passion are interchangeable. Clearly this is a falsehood. Strong feelings or attractions to someone or something do not ensure love. That is why passions have to be governed. Either you control them and find love, or they control you to your demise.

God wants everyone to experience love beyond passion. No exclusions. That is why he creates all persons out of his love, for love, and places a desire for Him on every human heart. Love—not passion—draws us into a relationship with him. All we have to do is make a decision to move beyond passion.

That sounds great, but...

How do we do that? We engage our intellect and will and embrace virtue. Virtues are the habits we develop that order our passions and set the correct trajectory for our behavior. With virtue we flourish in love. Without it, we agonize with uncontrollable passions.

It saddens me that TV media has settled for deprived version of love. Clearly the culture lacks formation in what the God really wants us to proclaim and teach. As ministers of marriage and family life, let's make it a priority to reveal the truth from God beginning with the difference between love and passion.

Let's ready ourselves to respond in charity when we hear people talk about the latest episodes they are watching by:

• Crafting a personal response on the difference between passion and love. Take the time to formulate your own mini catechesis on the two. (Reread CCC 1762-1775 for solid direction.)
• Being sensitive to other's lack of understanding about true love. When it comes to addressing the difference between passion and love with someone who hasn't heard the real truth about love, be ever mindful that you are not talking about "those people" but that you are referring to a brother or sister in Christ. They belong with us. They are part of us. And, we need to help them see love as more than a feeling.
• Admitting that we can't love beyond our passions without the grace and mercy of God. Most of us have missed the mark in following God’s command to love beyond our passions. Let's remember to ask for God's assistance and protection before we enter into dialogue.