If you've heard any of Meghan Trainor’s music, you know that it’s different than the other stuff playing on the radio these days. Her songs have a poppy, retro feel—and her videos are bright and cheery.
Her latest tune, “Dear Future Husband,” caught my ear, not only because of the fun sound, but because it’s so rare to hear pop songs that reference a relationship other than a casual hookup.
My music degree never lets me just enjoy a piece of music without further research (unfortunately?), so I sat back to listen to the lyrics and read a bit of criticism.
At first it seems that Trainor is singing a realistic song about dating and marriage: she's looking for a marriage partner, she'll do the grocery shopping, she expects to be treated like a lady, and she wants to be appreciated.
It’s unfortunate that mixed in with these sound statements are shallow “rules” for men to follow and some of the worst relationship advice out there.
Trainor harps on this “future husband” idea, but it seems like she’s really looking for a slave to do her bidding.
Take me on a dateI deserve a break
And don't forget the flowers every anniversary
'Cause if you'll treat me right
I'll be the perfect wife
She outlines what she thinks husband material is, but doesn't seem to hold herself to the same standards. She can’t cook, she won’t be home baking pies, she will act crazy, and she doesn't want to hang out with his family.
You got that 9 to 5But, baby, so do I
So don't be thinking I'll be home and baking apple pies
I never learned to cook
And yet, she deserves to be told she’s beautiful, that she's always right, and to be taken out on dates and showered with gifts.
If a man agrees to this “relationship,” she’ll let him use her body in return. Right here is where the song not only lost my interest, but made me furious.
After every fightJust apologize
And maybe then I'll let you try and rock my body right
Even if I was wrong
You know I'm never wrong
Why disagree?
Why, why disagree?
Instead of using her talents to show how marriage can be fruitful and rewarding, Trainor follows the same route of every hookup anthem on the radio by objectifying sex, and therefore, women.
What sort of relationship is this? Marriage is a two-way street. I firmly believe that women should have high standards when it comes to discerning marriage; but are flowers, rings, and servitude the only kind of standards we should be looking for?
As Monica Gabriel puts so eloquently in the Verily article,
“The idea that men should idolize women is a toxic one for both sexes. Instead of understanding our relationship with the opposite sex as a partnership, men and women can begin to see one another as pawns to be manipulated for our own self-serving purposes.”
A good marriage has flawed partners—we are all trying to overcome our sinful natures—but it should also strive for compatibility.
A loving relationship is one in which the husband and wife are equal partners, trying to help each other get to Heaven. While it may seem lovely to have a man buy us things and go along with our every whim, this will not help form a healthy and lasting attachment, unless we're willing to give of ourselves too.
“Dear Future Husband” seems to affirm men’s fears about women—women are shown to be shallow and self-serving, without offering much in return.
We should want to be loved, not idolized. Often we find fault with things that men do, but do we hold ourselves to the same standards?
