Who Should Make the First Move?

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It felt like years.

It was only my second month on CatholicMatch, but I had been messaging back and forth with the same guy since my early days on the site. We had already covered the high-level details on faith, family life and careers, but now it was time to see if our online connection could translate into an offline relationship.

As the end of each work week drew closer, my hopes that he would finally suggest an in-person meeting would peak, only to receive a brief message on Monday morning: “So how was your weekend?”

Maybe you think only men pursue or maybe you think ladies should give signs if they are interested. I believe that men are wired to be the pursuers—the ones who initiate the chase and date with intention. While women are not meant to be passive bystanders in this process, we should begin our relationships with the man as the leader, right?

A recent CatholicMatch poll on this topic found that of the nearly 2,000 people surveyed, almost half (48 percent) of respondents wait for someone to contact them first. Of that group who wait for someone to contact them, 32 percent are men!

That means that hundreds of us on the site—both men and women—are sitting back and waiting for the other person to make a move. In the end, we’re at a standstill.

That’s exactly how I felt in my experience, so finally on a Monday morning, I responded to the routine “How was your weekend?” question with a simple, yet direct response.

“It was great, thanks. Would you like to meet up this week and hear about it?”

Only minutes later, I received his reply.

“Most definitely! What day works for you?”

I’m now married to the man who made me wait weeks and weeks to meet in person. He, too, was waiting for the right moment to initiate a date, but it took me, the woman, to first suggest a possible meeting.

Our experience goes against many traditional dating rules, but in the world of online dating, the rules are slightly different. We aren’t called to lower our standards or balk God’s unique call for men and women, but we are called to listen to the Holy Spirit and then act.

So ladies, it’s time to make a move. If you’re interested in getting to know someone, send an inbox message or an emotigram. From there, feel confident in clearly stating your intentions to advance the relationship—whether that’s through an initial phone conversation or an in-person meeting.

Remember:

  • You're on here to date. CatholicMatch is an online dating site. While you can create valuable friendships during this process, we’re all on here to meet other single Catholics and discern the call to marriage, period.
  • Just because you initiate the first date doesn’t mean that you’ve become the leader in the relationship. Give him a boost of confidence by asking him out, and he’ll likely take the reins from there.
  • You already share an important characteristic with everyone on CatholicMatch—your faith! It can be a struggle to meet other faith-filled singles, so don’t miss this opportunity just because it’s less stressful to wait for someone else to take that leap.

Don’t let fear and doubt cloud your heart and mind. Contact the members that interest you and even check out the profiles of the people who have viewed your profile, too. You’ve already overcome the biggest hurdle by joining CatholicMatch and letting God write your love story. Now you need to be the strong, confident woman who doesn’t allow the unofficial rules of dating dictate how or when you meet your spouse.

I threw my heart on the line and lucky for me, it paid off. It could for you, too.

Find Your Forever.

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