What Halloween Teaches Us About Marriage

Who doesn’t love Halloween?

You know what, let me rephrase that:

I love Halloween. It’s fun, it’s spooky, it’s gloriously atmospheric, and it’s filled to bursting with fantastic trappings for the imagination to feast upon. In a word, Halloween is romantic, not, perhaps, in the sense that a candlelit dinner or the works of Jane Austen are romantic, but in the way the sea or the Irish countryside are romantic. It fires the imagination and feeds the soul.

Now, I believe that whatever is imaginatively satisfying has its ultimate roots in the truth, and Halloween is no exception. What’s more, I think some of the truths bound up in the Halloween spirit are ones that we here on CatholicMatch ought to keep in mind as we search for our partner in life.

Some would say Halloween glamorizes evil.

First, what is Halloween? No, it’s not a pagan festival loosely Christianized to convert the Irish (the Feast of All Saints originated in Rome, not Ireland, and by the time it became universally adopted the Irish were among the most Christian people in Europe). Nor do I think it’s necessarily fair to just call it the day before All Saints, since however it happened, it has clearly developed its own identity. Rather, Halloween is a time to celebrate the dark, the macabre, and the frightening; a celebration of the practice of imaginatively incarnating and facing evil.

It’s said that imaginative evil is always glamorized. That’s by necessity; real evil is too drab, sordid, and boring to satisfy the imagination, meaning that most of the time it has to be dressed up before it can be interesting. A real, accurate depiction of evil is merely repulsive, and since we don’t want to think about it, we can’t engage with it; meaning we can’t derive any kind of catharsis from the exercise. We create a figure like Dracula in order to give evil enough substance and glamor to make it seem worth triumphing over.

Like all things, this practice is of course open to abuse, where that glamorization becomes an end rather than a means, or the glamorization goes too far into making evil either appear either admirable or invincible. But the principle is sound. Halloween is the summit and celebration of this practice: a night dedicated to this imaginative confronting of evil.

Now that that’s established, what does it have to do with our search for a spouse?

What does Halloween have to do with spouse hunting?

Just this. The practice helps remind us of one of the most important aspects of courting and marriage: that it is a defense against sin and a source of mutual help for salvation. In short, it’s a dangerous and scary world out there, and we could all use some backup.

The idea of exploring a haunted house, or making your way through a night-shrouded wood is a pretty fair image of life in general. Surrounded on every side by unfathomable mysteries, beset by malevolent spirits or mindless dangers, we grope about in the darkness and try to understand the rules, knowing all the while that any mistake could cost us dearly; or we find ourselves facing an implacable and vastly superior enemy that longs only for our destruction.

With regards to the latter, I don’t just mean our supreme enemy, but also the innumerable temptations, evil influences, and even just mere physical dangers that constantly threaten us. The fact is, as a good horror story reminds us, we are all very small and weak compared to the forces arrayed against us, whether a monster or a new cultural trend.

There is very little we as individuals can do against such things, just as there was very little that Jonathan Harker could do against his host the Count; the best we can hope for is often just to make it through alive until morning.

This is why we need a spouse—to have someone by your side when the evils of the world close in.

Now, if you found that you had to go up against, say, Michael Myers, or were obliged to spend a couple nights in Hill House, the last thing you would want is to have to face it alone. You would want a partner; someone whom you knew you could count on, and who knew the risks, but still chose to come with you and help you face the implacable evil.

Having someone by your side when you confront the horrors of the night isn’t just a matter of a second pair of eyes or a strong set of arms to watch and guard you. More important is the fact that their presence by itself calls you to greater exertion in their defense. When Laurie Strode faced off with Michael Myers, she was able to find the courage to stand up to him because she wasn’t just fighting for herself, but for the two children whom she was responsible for. By contrast, one of reasons Eleanor lost herself in The Haunting was because she was alone in the world: there seemed no reason for her to keep fighting.

The mere fact that it isn’t just about us, but that someone else is counting on us can bring up reserves of courage and resolve that we never knew we possessed. At the same time, knowing we have someone watching our back gives us the strength to face up to the terrors that surround us.

Who do you want by your side while journeying through life's darknesses?

Most of us probably won’t have to face vampires or goblins or even ghosts in the course of our lives. We won’t be so fortunate. Instead, we’ll have to face the unmasked, raw evils that are but the shadowy reflections of: temptation, sin, heresy, violence, disease, and death.

This is something we should keep this in mind, not just on Halloween, but throughout our search for a spouse. We’re looking for someone to journey with us through the night, facing the shades and monsters that lurk in the shadows, and to bring safely to the other side. Ask yourself, “Will this person stand by me against the evils and temptations of the world? Will she inspire me to do more than I think I can for her sake? Will he endure all to bring me safely to the end?”

It’s a scary world out there, but not quite so scary with the right person by your side.