What Does it Mean to Be Equally Yoked?

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“We’re reading the same book. Give me a chance to catch up.”

I will never forget this beautiful, humble response from my then-boyfriend, now-husband after I tearfully told him that I did not believe we were “on the same page.” I didn’t want to begin married life fighting the faith battle. I wanted someone equally yoked—and legitimately so. The problem was that I did not truly know what this meant.

“Do not be yoked with those who are different, with unbelievers. For what partnership do righteousness and lawlessness have?” 2 Corinthians 6:14

This means that our primary environment and close relationships affect us—so choose them wisely. In the lifelong and life-giving partnership of marriage, this wise counsel is particularly imperative. You want your spouse to be pulling in the same direction as you, to have the same values and goals.

When a Christian girl falls for a secular guy

I grew up in Christian circles, venturing beyond these circles occasionally in my work life but always sticking close to home and among people of shared values in my personal life. So when this dashing knight in workout armor (we met at the gym he managed) stole my attention and affection almost immediately, I was on foreign soil. And petrified.

I knew what I would not compromise and, at the time, assumed that this secular man would ask me to bend at some point, or at the very least not join me in my endeavors. Little did I know that he was the  kindest, most patient and dedicated man I’d ever met.  I was looking at where we came from, our backgrounds and values, instead where we wanted to go. Turns out, the man that I considered unequally yoked had the character of a lion and a steadfast, uncomplicated faith in Christ that has blown me away. He simply didn’t know it yet.

Put aside your pride—God might yoke you with someone unexpected

Looking back, how could I have known that although my theological knowledge exceeded his and my prayer life at the time was admittedly more vibrant, he was in fact the one who was destined to prod me along in the end. I was farther along, yes, but huffing and puffing with a dreadful side ache. He jogged up next to me in no time, shared his water, and away we ran.

I met a man of character, internal (and external!) strength and humility. He did not come from a family that prayed together or a community that taught him about God, sacraments and grace, yet when he encountered the truth he recognized it. He entered the Church a month after our engagement in an unassuming confirmation ceremony in a rundown, Hispanic church in the heart of Denver. It was perfect.

Seek not only to be equally yoked, but also well yoked

Now this is not at all the same thing as wishfully thinking that, “Someday he will want to know the Lord, and he is very nice so I can wait it out.” We shouldn’t be with someone hoping they will change just for us. This acknowledges that where we come from and who we were yesterday are often less important in light of who we are becoming and who we hope to be.

I see now that what I thought was meant by “equally yoked” was superficial. A genuinely good man with an authentic eye for beauty and the ability to respond in truth stood before me. At first, I did not let him tell me who he was. I imposed who I assumed he must be onto him.  I am so glad my hasty fears did not win, and I get to live this life with my well-yoked better half.

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