Try 10 Seconds of Gallantry

I will never forget the first time a young man was gallant to me. It was in college. A fellow student and I were walking on a narrow sidewalk towards each other. I stepped off to make way for him. He stopped me and said, “What are you doing? You don't step off for me, I step off and make way for you. You are the lady.”

If he was flirting it didn't feel like it. It felt more like a ten second lecture.

It was awesome.

The only gallant gentleman I knew at the time was my father—and he was throwback from another era. Otherwise, I was surrounded by the message that there were no differences between boys and girls. We were thrown together in the same classrooms, the same clubs, and, ugh, at Catholic school, in the same gym class.

"You can do anything a man can do!" society dared us. It's all just conditioning that says you can't. Maybe some girls could, but I couldn't hit, throw, catch, or withstand a collision the way my brother could. Once we were playing run the bases and my brother ran to catch a ball and inadvertently backed into me. The blow flattened me and knocked the breath right out of me.

There's a crucial difference between men and women.

Guys have brute strength. Ours is significantly less. This is not something to ignore, to brush aside, as if it's not meaningful. It's not something to make women loathe men and say they are not safe. It's one of men's gifts.

That's what my college friend was saying. He lectured me to accept his help, his manly capacity for sacrifice—even if it was just to step off the sidewalk. Could I do it myself? Sure. And I can open my own doors too.

Men are designed to be gallant—to take care of others, especially women.

Unfortunately, a few women ranting about how they can open their own doors has influenced the good guy population to believe they're insulting a women if they offer. They have also given the bad guy population a free pass. Go ahead and take advantage if you can get away with it—like a guy on Judge Judy who sponged off his ex-girlfriend and didn't pay rent. "That's what she's for.”

To the good guys who may be reading this: I'll tell you the same thing I tell our daughters when they go out into the work world. You're polite, smart, strong, and unselfish. And you're rare. People are going to notice that and they are going to want you. Employers have treasured our daughters at all their various jobs just because they do what they are supposed to do. So many people don't.

What do women want? To have a man sacrifice for her.

So guys, do what you are supposed to do. Be gallant. Oh, I am sure there is a loud vocal group who will rant about sexism. But there are fewer women like that than you think. Most will love you for it, even if you lecture them. You will be rare and you will be treasured.

You might even change someone's life.

One wintry night one we brought a young girl with us to the home of some Catholic family friends. The girl liked coming. She felt at home there. The girl's dad didn't pay any attention to her. He was off seeking his own happiness far away in another state. Daily, she was surrounded by a culture of isolation.

As we were leaving, she picked up a large, clumsy box containing something she had brought and started making her way down some steep outer stairs in the dark.

“Can I get that for you?” asked the son of the house.

“No thanks. I got it,” she answered.

Not the type to give the ten second lecture, he gave up. "Let him help you!" I said, but she was already half way down the stairs. How I wish he had just grabbed the thing.

It would have made her feel how a man is supposed to treat a woman as opposed to all the talk surrounding her. That one act may have taught her that gentleman are out there, that she didn't have to be alone and vulnerable in the world. It may have taught her what to look for when choosing a husband, and how to raise her sons, and how to teach her daughters what type of men should be welcome in the house.

Men—good men—be yourselves. You have the power to change the culture of an entire family. That family might influence other families and so on.

And it can all happen in just ten seconds of gallantry.