Stop the Cycle of Your Family's Past

I didn’t start hearing the term “generational sin” until I was well into my first year being Catholic.

And in all honesty, it went over my head. I didn’t understand exactly what it was until someone broke it down for me: sin that follows generation after generation, plaguing a person in roughly the same way, and usually ending the same way.

Although there are many, common types of generational sin these days include divorce and addiction.

“My parents are divorced, my mom’s parents are divorced, and my great-grandparents were divorced.”

“My dad suffered from alcoholism, as did his dad, and my grandfather.”

It shapes families, childhoods, how we see the world.

And then it shapes how we see ourselves.

“My parents are divorced, my mom’s parents are divorced, and my great-grandparents were divorced… that’s why I will probably end up getting divorced one day.”

“My dad suffered from alcoholism, as did his dad, and my grandfather… I’m sure it’s in the cards for me too.”

My own mother’s parents got divorced when she was young. And my parents got divorced a year into my own marriage. I understand the generational sin concept a lot better these days.

And it is heartbreaking. It is difficult to see that the same sin has torn its way through your family without a care for how it affects all the family members. And it’s intimidating to be the person, the generation, where it stops too. But it’s possible.

Just because it’s taken hold of every generation in your family, doesn’t mean it’ll take hold of you.

Just because it’s practically a tradition in your family to [fill in generational sin] doesn’t mean you will carry it on.

Some tips for ending generational sin that I’ve found particularly helpful:

1. Awareness is not the same as something being inevitable

Just because you are aware that a sin runs through your family, does not mean that it will also affect you in the same way. Knowing something has been a struggle for your family, and personally struggling with it yourself, are two very different things. And I think that is important to remember. It can be easy to think that because multiple people in your family have struggled with something, you are destined to as well. And that just isn’t true. For example, my family suffers from the generational sin of divorce, but I do not. And it doesn’t mean that I personally will, either. It’s a sin I know has been present in generations in my family. But it isn’t an automatic declaration that I, too, will find myself divorced one day.

2. Read about how new generations change major trends

There are saints that the Church recognizes who went very much against their families’ norms; men and women who devoted themselves to Christ even though no one else in their family practiced any faith at all. There are also so many inspiring stories about young men and women who are the very first people in their family to attend college, or receive a higher education degree, or leave the country. All these people may not have broken generational sin, but they did break a generational trend. Reading about them can and should be inspiring for all of us—knowing that we can do the same thing.

3. Frequent the sacraments

The sacraments are our single greatest source of God’s mercy and grace. We need both, struggling with sin or living like saints. We are always in need of and will benefit from receiving God’s mercy and God’s grace through receiving the Eucharist, participating in the sacrament of confession, and spending time in adoration. And working to prioritize the sacraments in our life, and thus God’s grace and love, is one of the best-proven ways to stay dead to sin. There are hundreds upon hundreds of saints that the Church officially recognizes as such, and they each had different struggles with sin. But what do they all share in common? The humility of knowing how deeply they need the Father, and a commitment to remaining open to receiving Him. We ought to follow their lead!

4. Take conviction by the reins and do not put it down

A great gift to pray for in any and all spiritual battles, but especially against generational sin, is the gift of spiritual courage and conviction. This is a gift that has enough benefits to write a whole book about, but it can be especially helpful in owning the truth that you are not your family’s past sins, nor are you automatically doomed to fall into the same hardships. The Lord has commissioned you to be living during this time, at this age, doing exactly what you are doing. He has confidence in you. He delights in your pursuit of sainthood, and has a seat saved just for you at the Heavenly Banquet Table. Do not forget that when doubt or confusion creep in.