Single and Childless Is Not My Choice

My single friends and I often bemoan our childless state—especially when so many women around us are pregnant.

We both gained a few nieces and nephews this year, and now it is our friends’ turns to bring new life into the world. It’s seems like we just managed to survive wedding season, and before we know it—it’s baby season!

I love babies. My life plan from the time I was a little girl was to get married and have lots of babies. The number sometimes varied, but it was always high.

I think I settled on nine boys when I was in college—for a baseball team, of course. Yet here I am: 30, single, childless, and everyone else seems to be living my life. The one I wanted.

It’s not that I begrudge the lives of my friends and family. I don’t. I’m genuinely happy when great couples tie the knot and increase the Catholic population. I love rocking my sister’s new babies and teaching the older ones piano.

At the same time, it’s easy to get depressed that I’m not able to hold my own baby, or homeschool my own children, or cook dinner for my own husband.

I think it’s easy for women to feel sorry for themselves merely for wanting a good thing. I want a good Catholic husband and a lot of little Catholic children. That’s not a bad thing, right?

There are so many couples who aren't practicing their Faith and yet they are getting married and having children. I try to live a good life and obey "the rules," but still don’t get my own way. It seems so unfair! Why won’t God give it to me?

Then I remember that God has a plan for each one of us. It’s not about what I want, but what God’s will is for me. Sometimes I feel like I’m just treading water until a husband comes my way, but it’s important that whether or not I ever do get married, I should take advantage of the time that I have now.

Everything around us makes marriage look so glamorous and exciting. Weddings are getting more extravagant by the year. The married life seems so appealing. And yet, sometimes we forget about the quarrels, the dirty dishes, the 2am bottles—the things that every couple will experience that are neither glamorous nor exciting.

I don’t have to worry about making dinner for anyone else—if I want it, I’ll throw something together. I don’t have to consult my husband if I want a night out at the movies.

When I go shoe shopping, I don’t have to consider a family budget. I've been to eight European countries over the past few years—if I had a family, I would not have been able to pull up stakes every summer to travel.

It’s difficult to put everything in perspective sometimes, but it is important that I start looking at my single state as a blessing in disguise. I’m not going to despair that I may never marry or that I may never have children.

I’m going to make more of an effort to embrace the free time and lack of responsibility that I have now. If it is God’s will that I do end up marrying and having a basketball team full of boys, I’ll remember that I spent my time wisely.