My parents love Frasier. And since I take care of my parents a good part of the time, I watch the show a lot. I actually really like it.
It may sound weird, but there were times watching it that I almost found myself developing a little crush on Marty, the dad. Which seemed strange to me. I mean, why would I be attracted to a man who, aside from being a cantankerous old grouch, was significantly older than I am? I don’t know, but for some reason I saw a sweetness behind all of the curmudgeonly “oh, jeez” complaining.
And so, I was very sad to hear of his death a few days ago.
But in reading the tributes to him, I gained some insight into why I would be attracted to him.
First of all, he was much younger than the character he played. In fact, when the show debuted, he was around the same age I am now. (And, ironically, only 15 years older than Kelsey Grammer, who played his son.)
But second and more important, everything I am reading indicates that he was truly a wonderful man. I read an interview (see below) by an author and neighbor, in which he spoke very beautifully about his faith, about praying regularly (20-30 times a day!) to the Holy Spirit, and about a deep spiritual experience he once had at a daily Mass at St. Peter’s Church in downtown Chicago. From the interview:
“I’ve always prayed to the Holy Ghost for wisdom and for understanding and knowledge. I think he answered my prayers when I stopped in the church that day. My life was totally different from that day on.I saw myself as I was, and I saw into the future and saw what I wanted to be. And I sort of rededicated myself to God and begged him to make me a better person. It wasn’t fear of hell or anything like that. I just somehow knew that to be like this, like what I was, wasn’t the reason I was created. I had to be better. I had to be a better person.”
Some qualities are always attractive, no matter a person's age.
He was a man who took his walk with God seriously. Who valued kindness, humility and charity, who strove to recognize the dignity of every human person.
But what really struck me was the following passage:
"'I was just thinking how wrong it is to second-guess God. Everything I’ve ever wanted in my life, I got. Everything—except a wife and family,’ he says, with a hint of sadness in his eyes I’m not used to seeing."
John Mahoney was one of us. Wanted to marry and have children, but didn’t. And that loss was a source of sadness in his life.
Of course, I don’t know all of the details of John Mahoney’s situation. I do know that a big part of the reason he believes he wasn’t supposed to marry had to do with a battle he fought with cancer in the mid-1980’s. But we all have our stories.
The end result is the same—we desire something that, for whatever reason, wasn’t fulfilled. I think that quote right there tells us that we had a kindred spirit in him. And that we can learn a little bit from him about how to live a fulfilling single life.
He is an excellent example of how to live a fulfilling life as a single person. So what did he do?
He loved his life. He pursued a career, acting, that fulfilled him. He valued community. He continued to live in Oak Park, Illinois, amongst neighbors he cared about, even while commuting to Los Angeles to tape Frasier episodes. He maintained relationships with his friends—staying in regular contact with the Frasier cast long after the show went off the air.
And, most important, he lived “simple love.” Not just amongst those closest to him, but everybody he met.
His theology wasn’t perfect, from a Catholic doctrinal perspective. But he clearly loved God, and was doing the best he could to discern His will and follow Him. Just as we are, hopefully, trying to do.
I am praying for the repose of his soul. For his sake, and for ours. Because I think he could be a powerful patron for those of us who desire marriage and family, but don’t have it.
May his soul, and the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God rest in peace. Amen.
The interview where I learned about John Mahoney's life
https://www.facebook.com/godgirl/posts/10155424871855819?pnref=story
