Do You Hide Your True Self When Dating?

In watching my friends and experiencing my own dating life, there is no easier way to lose yourself than in a relationship. Relationships are so fun and new love is an exhilarating feeling.

We allow ourselves to be open and we receive someone else as they are. Flaws and all. The first few weeks or months is an exciting time in any relationship — butterflies, nervous hand-holding, awkward conversations. This is the fun part. You are on cloud nine and you don't want anything to get in the way of your opportunity for new love.

But what if you are gripping so tightly at the chance for a relationship, that you are compromising your true self in the process?

In an effort to avoid that ever-creeping feeling of loneliness, it’s a temptation to sacrifice some of yourself in order to find — and keep — a relationship. Maybe there is something you don’t want your new partner to know about you because you worry about what he will really think. “If he found out about this, I am sure he would dump me,” you say.

Or maybe you believe she won't like you if you act yourself. Maybe you believe you have to to act funny all the time or be on your best behavior in order to keep her around.

I’m single. I truly understand the struggle to want to do almost anything to rid myself of the “single disease.” It’s not easy and there are so many feelings of jealousy, loneliness, and struggle. I often feel as though I’m walking through a desert alone.

But one thing I’ve reminded myself in each relationship I’ve had is, if it is a priority for you before a relationship, make sure it stays a priority.

If friends are a priority, make time for them. Don't be that friend that completely disappears when she starts dating someone and then comes back around after a break-up.

Stay active with your hobbies and interests. If you were involved in a mountain biking group or a chorus, don't drop what you love doing just because of a new relationship. Don't forget to be who you truly are.

While you don’t have to air all the skeletons in your closet, there are a few things that you should always be upfront about. This is especially true of something so important, so integral, as your Catholic faith.

One thing I’ve reminded myself in each relationship is that God calls me to be me. And I can’t be me unless I’m Catholic and authentic about it from the first date.

St. Paul writes one of my favorite Bible verses in the book of Romans. Here, he encourages the Romans to evangelize and be open about their faith. “For I am not ashamed of the Gospel. It is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes” (Romans 1:16).

Be open and be honest from the start to form a healthy relationship. If you go to Mass every Sunday, invite your new significant other along. If you volunteer at church, don’t just say, “Oh I volunteer sometimes.” Be open about what you do when you volunteer and why you volunteer. If you lector at Mass, own it!

Be not ashamed of the Gospel, of your intimate relationship with Jesus, of your work within the Church! If you think your Catholic faith will run off your significant other, you shouldn’t be dating them anyway. God calls us never to hide our faith.

If you find it is a struggle to be upfront about your Catholic faith, consider why it is you don’t want to tell this person how honestly Catholic you are.

We must consider what we need to do deep within our hearts to be transparent and not be afraid to let the light of God shine from within us.

It’s not easy to find a real Catholic man or woman ... believe me I know. Religion is a waning way of life for our contemporaries. But I don’t view this as a negative thing; rather, I view it as an opportunity to share the true joy that only being a Christian brings to my life.

I challenge you to do the same.