Every once in a while I enjoy the challenge of broadening my life perspective and socializing with a new group of people. One Friday afternoon after work, a coworker and I decided to attend a Meetup at a local winery.
This particular Meetup group was going well and the conversation was interesting. At one point a new gentleman joined the group to socialize. When he first showed up, he engaged in the conversation like any normal human being would.
Eventually he began to dominate the conversation, and by the end of the evening this gentleman managed to make the conversation all about himself. I recently listened to a podcast about the Alpha Male and this guy was an alpha male in the flesh.
Alpha Male Theory 1.0
The original Alpha Male theory goes something like this: Human society is structured like a wolf pack and at the top of the pack is a dominant male. He is the leader that gives the orders and never takes no for an answer.
The dominant alpha male is tall and has broad shoulders, a chiseled jaw line, and muscles that would make any woman swoon. He exudes confidence and charm and is the envy of lesser men and the desire of all women. If you are not an alpha male, you are just a beta!
We all run into these alpha males from time to time. He might be sitting at a boardroom table leading the meeting. Or perhaps he is the fresh out of college young whippersnapper who is explaining to his manager how the manager should do his job.
The alpha male might be the guy at the bar, or wherever you choose to socialize, that has all the ladies around him. Or the alpha male might be the best player at the local Friday night adult softball league.
License to be a jerk?
As great as the alpha male might seem on paper, my experience tells me differently. The guy that night at the winery was more anecdotal evidence that confirms my opinion. The alpha male theory is license for lesser men to be jerks.
The alpha male has the reputation of being a strong leader who has all the right answers. But in my experience, the alpha is the leader because he is loud and obnoxious. He gets his way through force of his will rather than the truth of his argument. He leads, not by example, but by dictate.
It seems to me that the alpha man has to prove to other people, and to himself, that he is a great man when in fact he is a broken man with many flaws. He is self centered, self absorbed, egotistical, and not good husband material.
But what if the original Alpha Male theory is completely wrong? According to the man blog The Art of Manliness, the original theory of the alpha male has undergone a Darwinian evolution.
Based on new research about wolves, the alpha is actually both male and female. The alpha wolves are the leaders because of their status as pater and mater familias. Wolf packs are made up of families of wolves rather than lone wolves that have come together for a common interest of survival. The pack of families is led by the male and female wolf that has the most offspring.
The alphas exhibit the best qualities of childrearing. They protect their pups, care for their pups, and teach their pups how to be a wolf that will ultimately survive in a dog eat dog world.
Alpha Theory 2.0
The alpha theory 2.0, when it is applied to the human species, applies to both men and women, single and married. In my opinion anyone can be an alpha. What are some of the qualities of a true alpha and how do we go about becoming a true alpha?
True alphas are in possession of themselves and do not let their passions rule their lives. The alphas will be moderate in their consumption of food and alcohol. They will get enough sleep and sufficient exercise.
They will be attentive to their physical appearance, and will order their homes.
Beyond the physical realm, the alphas will have a well-ordered spiritual life. They will be diligent with their prayer life, spending a few moments at least each day in silent conversation with the Lord.
They will strive to know the Lord better by reading the scriptures, and they will call upon the saints to help them practice virtue.
The true alpha will avail themselves of the sacraments by making a holy Confession often (the church recommends at least once a month) and attending Mass every Sunday.
Are alphas attainable?
The true alpha lives a human life fully alive with the grace of God and cooperates with that grace on a daily basis. After all, Christ says “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end” (Rev. 22:13).
The true alpha is living a truly Christian life and is growing daily in holiness. But the defining quality of the alpha is their fruitfulness. They pass on to their children and teach their children how to live the life that they currently live. They lead by example, not by dictate. They are kind and patient. They teach and instruct. But most of all they love!
When reflecting on the alpha male and female, it almost seems unattainable, especially to us single folk. How on earth can I live the kind of life I just described? How can I be fruitful? I’m not married, and many of us don't have kids. In a future article, I will discuss this fruitfulness and describe how all Christians in all walks of life, especially those of us who are unmarried, can be fruitful in the here and now of our daily lives.
Until then, I want to conclude with encouraging words from Pope St. John Paul II:
“Christ has redeemed us! This means that he has given us the possibility of realizing the entire truth of our being; he has set our freedom free from the domination of concupiscence.”
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