When she joined CatholicMatch, Rachel prayed for specific things in a future spouse.
The right man, she knew, would be willing to accept her single motherhood and parent her two children alongside her. So she prayed for him to have a heart like saint Joseph and a deep love of the Catholic faith.
Fernando, 42, first reached out to Rachel in November 2016, and Rachel immediately noted their differences. He was eleven years older than her, two years above her age limit. He lived in Utah, far, far away from her life in Minnesota. She was a born-and-bred German/Norwegian American, and he was born in Mexico, grew up in California, and was a naturalized citizen. He was an Army officer, and Rachel was a teacher. She studied music, and Fernando couldn't carry a tune!
But more importantly, Rachel saw elements of faith and charity in this stranger’s profile. Fernando was a full time single parent to six beautiful children. Rachel saw immediately how much he loved them—it is much less common for a dad to have full-time custody than a mom, which spoke to his level of care and loyalty. Both of them spoke Spanish as well as English.
Within a month of talking on CatholicMatch, the two were communicating via phone. As they talked, they discovered their mutual deep love of of the Catholic teachings on theology of the body, social justice theory, and redemptive suffering.
But one major obstacle blocked their way.
Fernando was divorced, but he did not have an annulment. In January, Rachel bravely brought up the topic, trusting their faith would let them have an open conversation about this potentially painful issue. Fernando replied honestly, explaining how he had applied for an annulment and was in the process of review. This review can be lengthy, and Fernando didn’t have a clear idea when it might come through.
Since Fernando was not yet free to pursue another relationship, they agreed not to date yet. Instead they would talk on the phone until they could meet in person to see if there was a connection face-to-face.
In April 2017, Fernando flew up from Utah to Minnesota, staying at the local Army base. He participated in the Spanish-speaking Bible study Rachel hosted monthly. She admired him instantly, and so did her Bible study group!
Before Fernando left, he asked Rachel if she was interested in pursuing a relationship in the future. She said yes, if in the future he became available. But they agreed they still couldn’t date yet. After all, Fernando’s previous marriage was still valid in the church!
After he left, Rachel prayed that God would give Fernando wisdom for what they were supposed to do next.
The next day Fernando called: "Rachel, I was going to ask for you to come out over the summer to meet my kids. But I spoke with my spiritual directors, and they said we should limit phone conversations and instead write letters. What do you think?"
His willingness to heed spiritual direction impressed Rachel.
She agreed to write snail-mail letters and limit phone calls to once a month. Though they both wanted to do more to stay in contact, they accepted the spiritual advice and trusted in God to lead them along the way.
They wrote to each other about extended family, children, the church, books, and important values. By sticking to platonic topics, they were able to get to know each other without jumping into a relationship at the wrong time.
In September 2017, Fernando’s annulment was finalized. He and Rachel knew it was time to discuss a potential dating relationship (or “courtship,” as he called it, which Rachel thought was old-fashioned but cute!) In October 2017, Fernando flew up to Minnesota again, where the two agreed to be an official couple.
There was a special moment during that visit when they visited the Shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe in LaCrosse, Wisconsin. Rachel had invited Fernando to go because of their mutual devotion to the Virgin Mary and the Rosary.
It was not until they were there that she recalled praying in the Marian chapel for a husband almost two years ago.
“I had completely forgotten about that prayer until we were there together!” Rachel says. How Fernando genuinely appreciated Confession, the Rosary walk, and the Marian chapel was powerful for her. As they dated, the couple began monthly visits to and from their respective states so they could meet each others’ families. They were happy to see their children blended well together.
In February 2018, Fernando proposed over President's day weekend. Rachel was delighted! He would be transferred winter 2018/2019 to a new military assignment, so they knew they’d have to wait a whole year for the wedding, or marry before the transfer. They chose to wed six months later in August 2018. After the honeymoon, Rachel moved with her two children (ages four and six) to Utah, where they became a blended family with eight kids. They were happy and crazy busy! After single parenting for so long, Rachel and Fernando both found marriage to be a beautiful partnership.
They firmly believe their two years of long-distance communication blessed them with a great ability to talk through any issue. Rachel told Fernando that marrying him was like winning the lottery every day, and he said the same about her.
An unexpected and tragic ending
Sadly, not every story ends in a fifty-year anniversary. On February 7, 2019, a year from their engagement and only six months after their wedding, Fernando was tragically hit and killed by a car. He had been crossing the street after dropping their son off at the bus stop for afternoon kindergarten. Typically, Rachel would do that, but she was traveling in Washington to prepare for their upcoming Army move. Fernando's funeral Mass was held at their home parish in Utah. He was laid to rest with military honors at the National Cemetery in his childhood home of Sacramento Valley, California. Fernando's six children have gone to live full time with their biological mom.
Rachel and her two children are now left in Utah figuring out the next step.
“While I am suddenly a widow and the love of my life plus six beautiful children are gone, I am 100% confident that God brought us together and will continue to guide our lives now,” Rachel says.
“I have no idea why Fernando died. Yet, the absolute peace and confidence I have in God's providence in bringing us together continues to encourage my heart and reassure me that God is in control of our lives and has a good plan for us. Even though our story has ended tragically, I wanted to write it anyway to fulfill our mutual intention of sharing our story with CatholicMatch. Thank you Catholic Match for being an instrument of God's grace in our lives.”
Rachel’s faith and courage is a testament to Christ’s love. She offers these words for other couples who might be struggling: “Your vocation is what may bring you the most suffering, but also brings the most joy. Suffering is at the heart of joy, and joy at the heart of suffering. In the midst of the pain of Fernando's loss, I still find this to be true. Perfect peace is at the center of God's will. In discerning marriage or any vocation, God can be trusted. Pray that He removes peace from your heart if He does not want you to proceed. In the midst of so many challenges in our relationship, we still had perfect peace! God can do that if you are in the center of His will. [Our vocation] wasn’t easy, but that’s what the vocation of marriage means. Easy? No. Beautiful? Yes.”
Our prayers are with Rachel and her family.
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