How Single Catholics Can Get Through the Holidays With Grace and Peace

Are you struggling to find joy this holiday season? You're not alone.

One of the most popular songs around the holiday season is “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” by Andy Williams. While I love the magic of the Christmas season as much as anyone else does, it can be a difficult and even lonely time to be single.

Maybe it is the first set of holidays after your divorce or perhaps you are fresh off a break-up you never saw coming. Maybe there was a broken engagement that left your heart reeling. Perhaps it is going to be your first Christmas as a widow or widower.

Let us just acknowledge reality for what it is. This is hard, lonely, scary, and painful.

However, when we name our feelings, it can take away some of the negative power they have in our minds and hearts.

I could easily share ideas on how to stay busy and engaged so the loneliness will sting a bit less. I could offer some suggestions on how to re-think your dating profile on CatholicMatch or other popular dating apps.

Instead, I want to offer you some ways to care for yourself both emotionally and spiritually. I find in my own life when I tend to both my mind and spirit, I experience more peace, even if life feels less than ideal.

Regardless of what finds you single this holiday season, I do believe God wants us to know His grace and peace.

Spiritual practices for the single holiday season:

The Daily Examen—A spiritual practice given to the Church from St. Ignatius of Loyola. The Examen is a prayer practice that helps an individual find the presence of God in their daily lives and discern God’s direction. I find this to be such a helpful prayer because it is a constant reminder to help us see God’s hand at work in our whole experience. While there are slight variations on how to pray the Examen, here are the five basic steps to guide you.

1. Become aware of God’s presence.
2. Review the day with gratitude.
3. Pay attention to your emotions.
4. Choose one feature of the day and pray from it.
5. Look forward to tomorrow.

Heart to Hearts with Jesus (in Adoration)—I do not know about you, but I love when I go to Adoration and I have the whole chapel to myself. The power of a good heart-to-heart chat with Jesus in Eucharistic Adoration cannot be overstated.

One of Jesus’ greatest desires is that we would experience His peace and grace in every situation of life; but most especially when we are struggling or walking through difficult times. Go to Adoration and just lay it all out with Jesus: the fears, loneliness, insecurities, frustrations, maybe even anger. Whatever it is, bring it to Adoration and just let it all out with Jesus.

Sadly, no, it does not take away our uncomfortable, negative feelings, but it does give us a safe place to lay bare our heart and the struggles we carry. Jesus wants us to unburden ourselves of the heaviness we carry this holiday season, do not downplay your need to get real with Jesus when you are hurting.

Emotional practices for the single holiday season:

Take your emotional temperature—I tend to do this when I pray first thing in the morning or if I am bumping into some big feelings throughout the day. Get in the practice of taking your emotional temperature, especially if you are struggling or feeling lonely.

This looks like stopping myself and trying to catch my thoughts before they run away with me. Then, I ask myself three questions: What am I thinking or feeling? Where do I feel it on my body? What is my choice about these feelings?

Think of this as “feeling triage.” When we name our feelings, it takes away some of their negative power over us. Identify where you are experiencing this feeling on your body, and then make a choice on what your next move will be.

Count your daily gratefuls—The power of gratitude cannot be overstated. Studies show that people who regularly practice in their daily life are 25% happier than those who do not.

When I take the time to count my daily gratefuls (especially during a difficult time), it always helps shift my perspective and find beauty even when life feels hard. Maybe use your morning shower, the drive to work, or set a timer for ten minutes in the morning as you get ready. Gratitude is a powerful spiritual practice to rely on.

Feel the feeling and then do something with it—This one is connected to taking our emotional temperature. Remember the last step, “what is my choice about these feelings?” Try to come up with an action step after you have named your feelings. Maybe it is setting the timer for 15 minutes to do a tidy up session while listening to your favorite show tunes. Perhaps it looks like doing ten pushups or jumping jacks or getting outside for a quick walk. The point is to get moving and just do something healthy and good for you with what you are feeling!

Sometimes tangible action steps are a proactive way to do something healthy with a negative or uncomfortable feeling. It is a practice I use and have found helpful in my own life.

Yes, it is hard to be single around this time of year.

I am in the same boat with you this year. However, I do know that we have a choice in how we respond to the life situations we find ourselves in. We can either allow ourselves to be stuck, just surviving and wondering when the holidays will be over. On the other hand, we can thrive through the holidays, growing in grace and peace. Things may not look the way we want, wish, or desire, but God still wants us to experience His presence.

Regardless of how we feel, the grace and peace of Jesus will meet us right where we are; even if we would rather be somewhere else.

What are you doing to help yourself navigate the holidays this year as a single Catholic?