Four Questions to Ask Yourself About Your Relationship

Dating comes with so much grey area. It can be hard to figure out exactly where you stand with someone, and it can also be difficult to figure out if a person has what you are looking for in a partner. How do you know if a relationship will work?

There is no guidebook as to how to determine whether or not someone is the right match for you. Personally, I think finding the right match is all about the little things. So much can be said about how you interact with each other during the small, everyday moments. Here are some questions that I think are helpful to ask yourself when you are trying to figure out if you are compatible. If you want to take things to the next level, whether it be from going on a casual date to a relationship or from a serious relationship to an engagement, these thoughts are important to keep in mind.

1. Can you say no to him/her? I don’t mean this in the way you are probably thinking. Of course, you must be on the same page about the physical relationship you have with each other, but to be able to say no about other things is just as important. For example, he might ask you if mind driving into the city for a date you have planned. If you are uncomfortable with navigating city traffic, you should be able to tell him that you don’t want to drive (and vice versa). Relationships are not about people-pleasing. They are about growing together and learning to compromise. “No” or “I don’t feel like doing that” are phrases that should be a part of regular conversation. Honesty is the building block the rest of the relationship depends on. Architecturally speaking, you have to have a good foundation to construct the rest of the house.

2. Can you make each other laugh? I’m talking about a belly laugh. An eye-watering, gut-wrenching, make-your-day kind of laugh. The kind of laughter that is shared with family and your closest friends. I can’t trust someone to care for me emotionally unless they can support me emotionally. My significant other, my potential partner in life, must be someone who can laugh with me and not care how loud my mirth is. They also must be someone who can start that kind of joy and humor in my spirit—and I must be able to spark it for them, too.

3. Can you do nothing together? This might sound a little weird, but think about it for a minute. Marriage is a 24/7 deal. Are you capable of sitting around on the couch and doing nothing with him/her? Twenty-four hours in a day is a lot of time to fill. If you feel uncomfortable doing normal things, like reading a book or watching a movie together, or if you feel the need to fill every moment with conversation, then maybe the relationship isn't ready for the next level.

4. Can you cook a meal together? This question might not work for everyone, but for those who are at home in the kitchen, it is worth thinking about. Cooking requires so much of what a relationship asks of us: listening, patience, teamwork, and sharing. We read a recipe and take what it says into consideration. We work as a team to prepare the food. We wait patiently for it to cook. Finally, we share in the joy of a homemade meal together. Isn't marriage all about these values? Maybe the kitchen is a good place to look when thinking about whether or not you are compatible.

Part of falling in love is communicating well and understanding each other. If you are having doubts about how you feel, or are wondering if it is time to get serious, maybe asking yourself these simple questions about everyday things will clarify the situation. Sometimes, the big picture can be illuminated by something small.