Does What Happens In Vegas Really Stay In Vegas?
20
I remember hearing a young woman once say that it didn't matter to her how many women her husband to be (whom she hadn't yet met) will have slept with before they would meet. What was more important to her—critical in her mind—was fidelity. She was completely willing to forgive him his past if he could promise he would remain faithful to her.
But Galena Rhoades and Scott Stanley, researchers for The National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia believe they have a deeper, more insightful perspective into this issue of how past romantic relationships play an important role in the happiness of a married couple. So much so, that they spent approximately seven years researching and writing a report titled, "What Happens In Vegas Doesn't Stay In Vegas." Their bottom line? That actually, what people do before marriage definitely does play a role in the level of marital happiness they will experience. As they cite in their report, "Specifically, how [people] conduct their romantic lives before they tie the knot is linked to their odds of having happy marriages."
Taking A Bold Look
The report begins by asking some important questions, primarily:
- Do our premarital experiences, both with others and our future spouse, affect our marital happiness and stability down the line?
- Do our prior romantic entanglements harm our chances of marital bliss?
- And once we find “the one,” do the choices we make and experiences we have together as a couple before and on the big day influence our ability to have a successful marriage?
This is excellent food for thought, especially at such a time when the growing trends of hook-ups and cohabitation are pushing back the median age of first time marriages and dragging down the overall marriage rate. For some who disagree with the celibacy stance, they may immediately answer "no" to each of these questions believing there is no harm done in premarital sex. But the report also weaves other important factors that are linked to this issue such as the phenomenon of couples "sliding" into cohabitation and eventual marriage, why coming from a big family plays a role in one's level of marital happiness, and the connection between the type of wedding you have and the type of marriage you have. All these play a role, with the key factor being one's behavior in past relationships.
But the more compelling point in my opinion, is the findings in this report all point back to the truth asserted in Pope Paul VI's Humanae vitae and at the same time, underscore the great undercurrent of denial that seems to suck the morality out of our society and breed indifference toward the sacred institution of marriage.
This love is above all fully human, a compound of sense and spirit. It is not, then, merely a question of natural instinct or emotional drive. It is also, and above all, an act of the free will, whose trust is such that it is meant not only to survive the joys and sorrows of daily life, but also to grow, so that husband and wife become in a way one heart and one soul, and together attain their human fulfillment. - Encyclical Letter Humanae vitae Of The Supreme Pontiff Paul VI
Brave New Singles
Of course we know that celibacy is not society's way, and you can easily feel like the Lone Ranger in trying to live and date in a chaste manner. But Rhoades' and Stanley's research has gained national attention since it's release, which garners some hope that the average single person will think twice about the ramifications casual sex has on their future before they partake. Major media outlets such as Time Mazazine, The Atlantic, and the Huffington Post have all felt the findings written about in this report were worthy of their audiences' attention and showcased the authors' work.
Overall, the report indicates what many of us already believe to be true, that "in general, couples who wait to have sex later in their relationship report higher levels of marital quality." What a great, public reinforcement of our cause to save sex for marriage.
So for all of you singles who feel alone in your struggle to remain chaste, don't get discouraged. You are doing the right thing, no matter how difficult it can seem sometime.
I enjoy hearing from you so please send me your comments and questions to asklisa@catholicmath.com or visit me at LisaDuffy.Com
Find Your Forever.
CatholicMatch is the largest and most trusted
Catholic dating site in the world.