Here's How You Can Date Safely Online

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Online dating can get a bad rep regarding who tends to use the platform.

Creeps, predators, and scammers are a few descriptive terms that come to mind. As someone who met her soon-to-be-hubby via an online venue, I find myself wanting to advocate for its effectiveness. I also realize that, just like being open to meeting some in any other public setting (a bar, social event, etc.), there are people to steer clear from, and warning signs to be aware of.

Being smart while dating is important no matter where and how you’re doing it. While always hopeful that someone will turn out to be the someone, it’s important to note that upon any initial encounter, each someone is a stranger, and there are ways to be skillful in navigating getting to know them while keeping yourself safe. Let’s look at this with online dating.

Chances are, if you’re meeting someone online, it’s because you haven’t met them in real life. Unfortunately, there are people seeking to take advantage of those vulnerable enough to take steps on their quest for love. While I don’t intend to make you paranoid in your dating journey, I think a few practical things to keep in mind can save heartbreak, and more importantly, dangerous situations, from happening down the road. 

Be smart as you create your profile:

-Don’t use your full name. Come to think of it, don’t list any identifying information on your profile that someone like a scammer could use: birthdate, address, names of friends/family members. This may sound obvious, but you’d be surprised how much we can lose common sense while dating. First names are just fine. To be honest, I didn’t know the last name of my now-fiancé until after we had locked lips multiple dates in. If someone is quick and eager to know more detailed information, be wary of their intentions. 

-Be aware of identifying information. When sharing information, particularly on your profile and during early-on exchanges, keep it general vs. specific. Give your job title but not necessarily where you work, name areas of town vs. street names and neighborhoods, titles like ‘sister’ or ‘friend’ vs. names. If you’re meeting online, be mindful of what’s in your background. Again, keep things generic (like a plant) vs. specific (like a family photo). 

When interacting with other members:

-Be slow to exchange numbers. Yes, using forums like messages through a site can be tedious and annoying, but it’s also not going to kill you. If you meet someone and you want to swap digits, just sit on the desire a little bit longer and give yourself the chance to get to know them better via the safety of the online platform. Aside from keeping you safe, it’s also a great way to see which people are interested enough to stick around despite the inconvenience. 

-Get another set of eyes. Dating in the real world doesn’t happen in a vacuum, and it shouldn’t when online dating either. What they say about love is most definitely true, it blinds us. When we are starting to like someone, or are very taken by that super attractive photo they have posted, we’re not fully in our wise mind. While it can be vulnerable, have an accountability buddy. Choose someone you trust to review the people you’re meeting, see the exchange between the two of you, and give their stamp of approval (or not). Those close to us aren’t experiencing the same butterflies we do and therefore can have a more critical mind. I know when I was first fielding messages, I had a close girlfriend I’d send screenshots or copy-and-pastes to. It was so helpful to get her encouragement, feedback, and should I need it, words of caution

-If something feels off, it’s likely because it is. Trust your gut and don’t stay in bad situations. When it comes to online dating, you don’t owe anyone anything, and if someone is making you feel uncomfortable, say so and move along. 

Meeting in real life:

-If things are progressing and you do decide to meet in person, be prepared. Don’t pick up or be picked up by the other person. Don’t meet at one of your homes. Meet in a public setting. Have at least two responsible people you trust know where you are, when you are planning to be there, and are waiting for you to check-in when you’re back. It may be smart to turn on and share your location with these people so they can keep tabs on you. 

-Don’t go home with anyone on the first date. Even if it is seemingly for the best of intentions—meeting their puppy, seeing that really cool piece of artwork they told you about, or grabbing the next set of drinks. If indeed all of those things are true and need to happen, they can happen down the road. No matter how many sparks are flying, keep them contained on the first date and keep yourself safe.

Dating smarter and safer is the best route to take.

If you are indeed interacting with a sane and normal human being who is truly online for the same reasons as you—hopes of meeting someone special, they will recognize and respect the means and efforts you are making to keep yourself safe. If someone is pushing back, becoming aggressive, or being persistent in asking for details, bets are they’re not on there for the same reasons. Use some common sense; to refer to an earlier point, if someone, or something, feels off, it’s likely because it is. There are plenty of amazing people who date online...keep yourself safe from the scammers, predators, and creeps, so that you actually have the opportunity to meet them!

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