All Love Bears Fruit
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Editor’s Note: In preparation for the World Meeting of Families (WMOF) in September, CatholicMatch Institute is excited to present a series from the USCCB Secretariat of Laity, Marriage, Family Life and Youth. Each post will offer reflections from the preparatory catechesis Love is Our Mission: The Family Fully Alive. I will be co-presenting at the WMOF with CatholicMatch CEO and co-founder, Brian Barcaro and CatholicMatch Institute contributor, Danielle Bean! We’ll be presenting on the topic, “Where is This Relationship Going? Dating as Discernment.” In this seventh post in the series we will take a look at the sixth chapter of the catechesis, All Love Bears Fruit. Read the entire series here.
All love bears fruit: this is the theme of chapter six of the World Meeting of Families catechesis.
Fruitfulness is part of the very definition of love: “It is the nature of love to overflow, to be life-giving” (USCCB, Marriage: Life and Love in the Divine Plan, p. 13). True love is never closed in on itself, seeking its own interests. Instead, love goes out, seeking the good of the other.
This truth about love—that it is always fruitful—is particularly meaningful for married couples like me and my husband, who have not, so far, been blessed with children.
Every child is a living, breathing, walking, talking billboard proclaiming loud and clear: “Love Is Fruitful! Marriage Is Fruitful!” According to St. John Paul II, children are a “living reflection” of their parents’ love (Familiaris Consortio, no. 14). And yet a child—the “supreme gift” of marriage—is not the only fruit of married love.
In fact, the first fruit of marriage is the marriage bond itself (World Meeting of Families catechesis, no. 105). When my husband and I said “I do” on our wedding day, a new family was born. In that moment, we were no longer two individuals, but became a union—a “we”—shaped by and also striving toward God’s own way of loving: total, faithful, and fruitful.
What does the fruitfulness of a childless marriage look like? In many ways, the same as that of a marriage with children: spousal love expressed in many different ways, such as forgiving each other after being hurt, making small daily acts of generosity, praying together, affirming each other, and opening our home to those in need of community.
One difference is that we are relatively more available for acts of service and hospitality than are couples raising children (WMOF catechesis, no. 103). For example, my husband and I look after an elderly widow without local family. We bring her groceries every week and check in frequently. And we’re involved in various ministries in our local church. Could we do this if we had children? Possibly. But the fact is, our time is not taken up (rightly) by the needs of children. And on the flipside, we need people to serve, to live out our marital fruitfulness in concrete ways!
And then there is the profound, and often hidden, fruitfulness of suffering. Every marriage—and every person—will travel through the “valley of tears” at some point. The world may say that suffering is sterile, but Jesus teaches us the opposite: “Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just a grain of wheat; but if it dies, it produces much fruit” (John 12:24). Jesus also said, “Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit” (John 15:5). True sterility, then, is not the absence of children; it is the deliberate closing off of one’s marriage from the fruitfulness of the Holy Spirit and openness to the will of God.
May we all live “in active readiness for God’s will” as it unfolds in our own lives (WMOF catechesis, no. 102) so that we can be the “rich soil” ready to receive the word of God “with a generous and good heart” and bear much fruit: “a hundred or sixty or thirtyfold” (Matthew 13:8).
What advice do you have for married couples who have not been blessed with children or singles who are struggling to find a spouse to help them see the fruitfulness of their suffering?
While the situations of infertile married couples and singles who want to be married are different, they do share some key things in common: life has not unfolded the way we thought it would or on our “schedule”; waiting, waiting, and more waiting; watching from the outside as others marry or have children. What has helped me the most is having supportive, compassionate friends; striving to find ways to be fruitful through friendship and service; receiving guidance from a good spiritual director; and praying for the grace to truly accept a situation I did not ask for (Fr. Jacques Philippe’s book Interior Freedom has been crucial here) as well as for the grace to be joyful and grateful for what I have. I seek to combat jealousy and bitterness by keeping my eyes fixed on the Lord rather than on other people.
What can the Church do to help infertile couples and singles?
Pastoral care for married couples without children and for singles who want to be married have some important commonalities. First, both groups need to have their difficulties acknowledged. The path to marriage and children is not always easy, and sometimes this much-desired goal does not happen. More preaching on the Christian meaning of suffering would be great! It would also help if parish priests would remember us and be sensitive to our difficulties when they preach about family life, particularly on Mothers’ Day and Fathers’ Day. Children—and marriage—are a gift. They are unmerited and gratuitous, and Catholics who have not been blessed with a spouse and children need to know that they, too, have something beautiful to offer the Church and the world. Pope Benedict said that infertility cannot impede a married couple from living out their vocation to love—and the same can be said about single Catholics, or anyone who finds themselves in a difficult situation (often hidden); we all have a call to holiness and need our Church’s help to live it out.
Action Items
- Find ways to be fruitful! Children are a beautiful expression of the fruitfulness of love—but for those who have not been blessed with children (single or married), there are so many other ways to live a fruitful life, especially by loving the people who have been given to us as family members, colleagues, neighbors, etc.
- Fr. Jacques Philippe says that the best way to prepare for the future is by putting your heart into the present moment: “Let us live each moment to the full, not worrying about whether time is going quickly or slowly but welcoming everything given us moment by moment” (Interior Freedom). Challenging words to live by, but worth trying to put into practice!
- Surrender to God’s will is a daily choice—and often a difficult one, especially when life is not going the way we hoped it would. A small prayer like “Jesus, I trust in you” can give ongoing strength and consolation.
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