5+ Things Your Date Won't Tell You

You know how in Reader's Digest, they have those articles: 13+ Things Your Pilot Won't Tell You? For example: "There is no such thing as a water landing. It's called a crash." (Yeah, even Miracle on the Hudson.) This post is like that. These are things no date wants to say but they just might save somebody from crashing.

1) Insulting a date is not flirting. It's a turn off.

You'd think it would be obvious not to insult a date. I mean, duh. But thanks to our sit-com culture, insults are now a way of flirting. It is considered socially acceptable for a woman to put down a man—though not the reverse. I once saw a young woman hovering around a young man, obviously trying to get his attention. She threw jibe after witty jibe in his face. There was only one problem. He didn't think it was funny. He thought it was insulting. Most guys would.

Insults may be sexy on TV but they're not in real life. Insulting a date is a turn off. So is insulting people who aren't there. "My stupid boss, my demanding mother, my good for nothing brother, etc." The date is wondering, "Am I next?" And, "If she think they're all jerks, maybe she's the problem."

Want to get him interested? Stay positive. Show appreciation for the people in your life. And, be ready to laugh—at yourself.

2) Pity parties are no fun.

People go out on dates hoping to have a good time. This does not include listening to sorrowful stories.

I briefly dated a guy who complained to me—for like, a half hour—that he couldn't keep a girlfriend.

Yup.

This is the kind of stuff you can say to your mother in the privacy of your own home, but not to a date. Nobody wants to fill a mere vacancy in someone's life.

I heard a speaker say once, "Pity parties are no fun. Nobody wants to come and those who do show up are wishing they were somewhere else."

Want her to come back for more? Focus only on going forward and don't get too far ahead of yourself. Don't think: I need a girlfriend. Think: I've got a date. Woo-hoo!

3) Bragging backfires.

My kids have a Frog and Toad storybook where Toad dreams that he's showing off in front of Frog. All the while, Frog gets smaller and smaller and farther and farther away until he's not in the picture anymore. The reader isn't sure if he really disappears or if Toad is so full of himself that he simply can't see him.

Ever go out with somebody who tops everything you say with his or her own achievements? Even better: somebody who name drops. It's like saying, "I don't have any achievements to brag of at the moment but I'm best buds with some very successful people!" Pathetic or what?

Then there are those people who listen long enough to be polite but then pick right up from where they left off before you were talking. All of the above leaves a date feeling ignored, dismissed, put down, and not planning to go back for more.

Want to impress a date? Then don't focus on impressing! Listen to the other person. Go back and forth when you share ideas. You might find common ground or if not, you'll discover new territory and expand your horizons.

4) I'm too sexy for this party—isn't sexy.

This one is for the beautiful people. You know who you are.

A drop dead gorgeous guy got hired at my daughter's job. I mean, so gorgeous she was embarrassed to even look at him. One of those. Then he opened his mouth and all attractiveness vanished. He didn't like the office, he didn't like the people, he didn't like the work. He could just be doing so much better. He kept up a steady stream of disgruntlement until, a few weeks later, his uncle fired him. Yes, even being the owner's nephew couldn't save him.

Let's face it. This world is kinder to you if you are beautiful. At first. But it soon wears off if you project a feeling of entitlement. Life is not a vacation and everybody does not owe you a pleasant trip. In fact, our Faith says the opposite. Life is a "vale of tears." Everyone has things in life that they could complain about. Complaining doesn't make these things go away. It just makes them harder. On the other hand, accepting our crosses does make them easier. A confessor once told me, "Joy does not consist in doing what you like, but in liking what you do."

Want to be attractive? Don't waste energy thinking about what you deserve. Appreciate the good in life. Everyone will be nicer to you and life will miraculously get better.

5) Hunting makes a date want to run.

"I'll never find someone!" is often a often self-fulfilling prophecy. Nothing makes a date run for its life like someone who is "on the hunt."

It's easy to feel somewhat desperate in today's dating culture. There aren't many good Catholics to date and if there are, you can't always meet them. People start to worry that they'll never find someone even as early as their twenties! If you feel you are getting older and your prospects slimming as people marry off, the feeling can get even more intense.

Long ago, my sister went on one date with an older guy who told her that there weren't many good Catholic guys like him left at her age (like, 28) and if she didn't take him she'd end up an old maid with an apartment full of cats. She decided to chance it with the cats. She spent the next few weeks dodging all possible contact with him. About two years later, she met and married her husband. (The cats stayed on until the birth of their first child, after which they went to live with our other sister.)

Want to get married? Get some cats. Let them do the hunting. Just kidding. Read our CatholicMatch love stories. They show that you can find someone at any age. If you do go on a date, take it easy. Don't look too eager. Maybe don't mention the last time you had a date. Be a little mysterious. Leave your date wanting to find out more. Next time.

Finally, even if you've crashed on one date, it doesn't mean you can't land the next one smoothly.