Years ago, I was visiting my youngest sister and happened to see a framed picture of one of her friends. She was a drop-dead gorgeous blond woman embracing a man whom she was obviously in love with, but who was far less attractive. I mean, he wasn't even in the ballpark. I never would have imagined the two of them together. "Oh, that's her husband," my sister explained, noticing my disbelief. "Yes, they are an odd fit, but they're one of the happiest couples I've ever seen." He must have some secret to keeping her, I thought to myself.
On the flip side of that coin, I know a woman who has a very attractive husband - the tall, dark, and handsome type - yet she is not someone you would typically picture him with. She is overweight and doesn't do much at all to make herself look attractive. Despite all this, her husband treats her like a queen! He showers her with affection! I've observed the two of them and their love for each other is apparent. Both these examples break through all the stereotypes many of us have. So, what is their secret? What is it that makes these seemingly unconventional relationships work?
The three secrets all couples should know and live sincerely in their relationships – even the couples who are perfect fits, are:
- Knowing what your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse needs and giving it to them
- Understanding the differences in the way men and women communicate and incorporating that into your relationship
- Being willing to change yourself instead of trying to change your mate
Let's tackle knowing each other's needs, first.
Ladies, a man needs to believe he matters more to you than anything or anyone in your life. More than your girlfriends, more than your past relationships, more than your career. He also needs to know that he makes a difference in your life and in society. Many times, men don't try to make a difference in society because they don't feel they matter at home.
He needs to be appreciated for the things he does, the things he says and especially what he stands for. In your relationship, do you ever take the time to observe him carefully and pay attention to his characteristics and strengths? If you do, excellent. You're on the right track. If not, make this a priority and start letting him know that you appreciate these things about him.
Men, women want to be complimented on their appearance, of course. But, they want to be loved for more than their outward appearance; they want to be loved for all their gifts and talents. A woman has an intense desire is to be everything to the man she loves and she wants you to recognize this and love her in a multi-faceted way. She also needs to believe that you thinking of her all the time and that you can't wait to see her again.
A woman needs a hero; a man who is confident in who he is and his strengths. A man who places her first in his line of priorities (after his relationship with God, of course). A woman wants physical affection, but is more affected by your words and the way you speak to her.
As I write this, I know you might be thinking, "Yeah, but what about..." and I know this topic deserves much more discussion than I can put in a blog post, so I invite your comments. And please remember you can always email me at asklisa@catholicmatch.com. I look forward to discussing any of these topics with you.
Next post, we'll talk about understanding the differences in the way men and women communicate. Until then, count on my prayers for you!
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