3 Rules Of An Effective ‘Seeking’ Section

One of the most effective tools in a CatholicMatch profile is also one of the most overlooked: the "seeking" section.

This portion, located under the intro and “quick view,” is designed to give you a chance to explain who and what you’re looking for in a prospective mate. It’s placed near the top of a CatholicMatch profile for a reason: It’s crucial! So don’t leave it blank, as some members do. (Then viewers see the italicized admonition “You have nothing in your Seeking section," which can make you look lazy or lacking in self-knowledge – or both!)

I’ve heard from a number of CatholicMatch members who say the “seeking” section is the first thing they read when they land on a new profile. So consider the below tips, then go back to yours and refine it. You may be surprised by the results!

I’ll begin with an example of a terrific “seeking” section and then break down what makes it so strong. This comes from Billie, who was recently spotlighted on this blog. She writes:

I know it isn’t as simple as this, but I kinda feel that it comes down to the 3 Ps….I’m looking for the man to be in my life who can be the provider, protector and pastor (spiritual leader of the household). I’m a type-A personality, which has done well for me in my career but didn’t turn out so well for me with my first marriage. I have since discovered I do not want the limelight, I do not want to lead but want to find someone who shares my passions and I can be a helpmate too. I’m looking for someone to care for and love and respect.

Billie’s profile heeds three important rules.

1. Be honest

Billie is speaking the truth. She tells you exactly how she feels, whether or not it’s politically correct or seemingly simplistic. You can sense this is straight talk, which it should be. (Online daters who are single moms, like Billie, don’t have time for games.)

2. Be specific

Billie laid out a clear portrait of what she’s looking for by sharing her 3 Ps. If some man perusing her profile doesn’t want to be a provider, doesn’t feel the chivalrous impulse to protect a wife or isn’t drawn to be the spiritual leader of a family – well, he’ll probably stop reading right there. He’s not Billie’s perfect match. On to the next profile. He’s respecting her time and his.

3. Share yourself

That’s the biggest secret: This section isn’t just about who you’re seeking but who you are. So dole out some kernels of self-knowledge. Acknowledge strengths or weaknesses and how they may factor into the pursuit of a complementary partner. Explain how your disposition might affect a significant other. Spell out that romantic notion you’ve always held close to your heart (and maybe never told anyone else) about how all your idiosyncrasies might perfectly blend with someone else’s.

Billie shares traits that are important to know, even if they aren't favorable. She acknowledges that she is Type-A (for better or worse) and that she's made personal growth in no longer craving the limelight. This confession also helps explain the failure of her first marriage, which is really helpful. She hasn't told us every single detail about her – which isn't the purpose of this section. (You've got to save something for the first phone call!) But she's taken the time to consider the most salient facts and presented them in a clear, concise way.

I’d like to share a few more examples to spark your creative writing juices (and some reflection).   

Our blogger Dawn wrote a seeking section that’s honest, specific and reflects plenty of self knowledge – in a constructive way:

I am waiting for the man that God fashioned with me in mind to share the adventures of life. He knows how to pursue life to step forward for what he wants and thinks is right. He has definite views on life and is committed to his faith. He is a hero in that he views his life in service of others and defends others, our faith and life. He has the heart of a warrior, and therefore a true gentleman. I am not concerned with how much money he makes, how tall he is or his level of education. I just know that he loves learning in general, is dedicated to providing for his family and walks proudly in everyday life.

He is generous with his smiles and affection, helps others, and has a sense of himself and God. He looks forward to sharing his faith, prayer and life with me. He doesn’t have all the answers to life, but he knows the questions. I’d like him to take charge more often than not and yet want me to walk beside him. I’m looking for someone who will help to provide a balance to my life, someone who helps keep me accountable for things. I’m not a neat freak, so it is quite alright if he is not. I’m not too organized, so it would be nice if he were – I like excitement, not chaos! …

Jeffrey is very direct in his “seeking” section, which is refreshing. He treats it as an actual message to a prospective girlfriend – which it is! You can sense he’s writing with that audience in mind, and it makes his response more personal and effective.

In short, someone of firm character, a streak of independence, intellectual depth and curiousity (an open mind) and emotionally available. Respecting true equality between men and women weighs heavily.

2012 will mark 15 years since leaving high school and starting college, as I’m now set on a firm path moving forward in life according to God’s will. So ladies, rest assured, I’m not here to play games. But I’m certainly not looking for the friend’s zone, either. I am looking for someone to possibly settle into a life with.

All the best in your search. If any of this is of sincere interest, I hope to hear from you! If it doesn’t look like I’m your type, then please don’t message me anyway...only to tell me this later.

I’d like to conclude with a story about Barb, a widow from Wisconsin who pushed aside considerable nerves in order to write a clear, helpful “seeking” section. “I must admit it did take a boatload of courage to join CatholicMatch, as I had not had a first date in approximately 35 years,” she told me.  

And yet, she pressed on. “When I first joined CatholicMatch, I thought long and hard about how to fill out the 'seeking' section of my profile,” she wrote in a blog post last year.

She came up with this description:

I am seeking a true friend and fun-loving companion on the journey. He must be a good listener, caring, kind and honest. Must have an awesome sense of humor and be proud to call himself a Catholic. He must place faith and family at the top of his daily priorities.

Barb found a first-class man on CatholicMatch – and once she did, she had the distinct pleasure of updating her “seeking” section to read:

I have found a true friend and fun-loving companion on the journey.  He is a good listener, caring, kind and honest, has an awesome sense of humor and is proud to call himself a Catholic. He places faith and family at the top of his daily priorities. My life has truly been blessed!

“I urge you to review your own profile today just as I did,” Barb said, “because the love of your life could be right around the corner. Will you be ready?”