Live Better After Divorce By Doing This 1 Thing

This last holiday season was busier than probably any I've lived through and not only did I not have any time for myself, a lot of things I normally do between Thanksgiving and Christmas didn't get done. Christmas cards never got in the mail. I didn't get to make any Butter-Nut Squash Tea Bread that my family loves so much. Even our Advent prayers around the Advent wreath didn't get done every night. In the first few days of January, I looked back and said to myself, I'll do better next year.

We do that a lot, don't we? I'll get it done tomorrow. Next month, next year, next time. Now, unless you're intentionally being lazy and procrastinating there's nothing wrong with trying again, but why do we keep trying? What exactly are we shooting for? What is our ultimate goal?

If you're like me, your goal is to get to heaven. So to continue trying to make things better is a no brainer. But what about when you mix divorce into the details? Divorce is so destructive on so many levels and trying to move forward and rebuild your life can feel insurmountable. It takes time to reach the landmarks of healing, such as getting past the point of crying all the time, or getting to the point where you can wake up in the morning and feel good instead of depressed, or getting to a place where you aren't responding to everything with anger.

The powerful emotions and painful situations that divorce unleashes can make just getting through one day seem impossible, not to mention trying to keep heaven front and center as the ultimate goal. But friends, this is what needs to be done if you want to get through it all with any sense of sanity or grace. This is the one thing that will get you through it all, keeping your eyes on heaven.

I've written before about living the small, everyday details with great love and this is what it boils down to. This concept makes keeping heaven as your goal manageable in the face of all you have to deal with. The Gospel of Mark tells us that when Christ comes again for the final judgment He will separate the sheep from the goats. The sheep will be those who have served others; and the goats simply didn't. So how does this translate to your everyday life now, with all its trials and challenges. Well, here are a few suggestions:

1.    Start your day with a Morning Offering.

If you do this, then everything you encounter – your prayers, works, joys, and sufferings – will be offered to God with love and acceptance. So as you go through the day and are focused on other things, you have the spiritual insurance of knowing your day has been committed to God. It can also benefit someone you know who is suffering or the souls in Purgatory.

2.    Discover the take-away.

When something bad happens like a difficult day in court, bad financial news, a stress-filled encounter with your ex-spouse, etc. ask God to help you know what the take-away is. Share your feelings with God about what's happened and then ask Him to show you what He wants you to learn from that experience. The request takes just a second but whatever He shows you will be good for a lifetime.

3.   Practice patience.

When strong emotions such as anger, resentment, feelings of injustice, etc. take hold, it can be quite difficult to be patient with the people we have to deal with on a daily basis. You don't want your children, neighbors, co-workers or anyone else you come in contact with to suffer because you are feeling so bad so working on being patient with others will help. A great way to start practicing this is by learning how to Box-Breathe (also known as Square Breathing) in which you create a box with your breath. This particular exercise is very effective.

All you do is inhale and hold for 4 seconds, then exhale and hold for 4 seconds and repeat for several minutes. When you're done you will find your heart rate has slowed down and you feel more calm. It will be easier to be patient with others then.

You may be getting hammered from all sides at this point and if so, I definitely understand how difficult it can be to remain focused on the goal of getting to heaven, but in the end, what else matters? Have faith in yourself that you can do it because God is with you and He will give you what you need. As Patrick Coffin, the host of Catholic Answers Live always says, "Be a saint. What else is there?" I couldn't agree more.

I welcome your comments, questions and feedback at asklisa@catholicmatch.com.