2 Powerful Ways Lent Can Help You Find Forgiveness

Forgiveness is often the hardest part of healing from the loss of a marriage relationship, and it can become even more complicated if there is more than one person you need to forgive. Frequently, another man or another woman is involved and the anger and resentment are compounded, or there are in-laws or other relatives who betrayed you. These can all be deep, deep hurts that complicate your already overwhelming divorce situation.

But, with God, anything is possible, even if the forgiveness you seek seems completely impossible. Divorce is so unjust, so painful, and it might appear that finding a way to forgive your ex-spouse, or seeking forgiveness from your ex-spouse, is out of the question. Yet, God’s grace will pave the way if you ask for His help. He will certainly shower you with all the graces and blessings you need to forgive if you open your heart to the opportunity for forgiveness. That's why Lent is such an excellent season for working on forgiveness.

I'd like to share with you a few ways to help you move down this path.

To begin this process, here’s a simple exercise. Take a piece of paper and write down the first names of all the people you are having trouble forgiving. Then, write down next to their names what you need to forgive them for. Finally, write down a number from 1 to 10 that indicates the level of difficulty you are having in forgiving this person, with 10 being the most difficult.

Next, use one or both of the following steps on a daily basis to begin the process of forgiveness, always beginning with a simple request to God for the grace to forgive. Remember, forgiveness is a choice we make, but we need God's grace to follow through.

1.    Offer Your Lenten Sacrifice For Your Ex-Spouse and Other Offenders

Lots of Catholics give up something for Lent, but miss the opportunity to offer it up for someone. It may be that the idea of offering up a sacrifice for someone who has hurt and/or betrayed you so deeply is ridiculous or insulting to you. That's totally understandable. But this is the perfect time to take Jesus' words on this issue to heart:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven; for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the righteous and on the unrighteous (Matthew 5: 43-48).

Learning to will the good of those who have hurt you through praying for them and offering sacrifices for them is a big step in experiencing real, true love. It's what Christ did for us and what we should do for others, even if it takes some time for us to get to the point where we can do it cheerfully.

2.    Praying the Stations of the Cross

One of the best ways to overcome anger and worry and find forgiveness for those who have hurt you is to walk to Calvary with Jesus through praying the Stations of the Cross. It is very difficult to contemplate all that Christ suffered for our sake and not be able to find at least some small kernel of forgiveness for our offenders.

As He hung on the cross, beaten, tortured, mocked, spit upon and bleeding to death, He asked His Father to forgive them. He gave us the supreme example of what to do when others hurt us.

You can find a special podcast presentation of the Stations of the Cross for Divorced Catholics on my website that offers reflections on the particular suffering caused by divorce. This is a great way to start taking steps toward forgiveness and ask God for the graces you need to help you heal.

Probably the most important thing to understand about forgiveness is that it is a process. Some days you take steps forward and some days you take steps backward, it's inevitable because we are human. But on the days you move backward, don't give in to discouragement. Resolve to do better the next time and know that God is with you in this. And don't forget, I'm praying for you, too.

Feel free to send me your questions and comments at asklisa@catholicmatch.com.