How can a nun who lives in a prison change your dating life? The answer is in her message: "you find what you look for."
My family is involved in a pen pal prison ministry so I was totally psyched when I got to interview an actual prison sister.
Sr. Anne Marie, E.S.E.H. is a member of The Eudist Servants of the Eleventh Hour. These sisters go into maximum security prisons to teach catechism, prepare people for the sacraments, and give them hope that someone actually cares about them.
Their foundress, Mother Antonia Brenner, was a Beverly Hills socialite who was divorced twice. (Catholicism—a drama with something for everyone and it's never predictable.) After raising seven kids, she spent the rest of her life actually living in a maximum security prison in Mexico.
Let me tell you. It was brutal. Drug lords ruled the place. Riots broke out. People were killed. Mother Antonia fearlessly stepped in bringing peace and converting many hearts.
Okay, so we write letters.
Our God is both just and merciful
Anyway, knowing how few people want to even write to prisoners, I asked Sister Anne Marie if she finds many people who are sympathetic to her work. Let's face it. Prisoners are a hard sell.
Most people don't want anything to do with them, especially the ones who have racked up a few decades in maximum security. Some people feel they've forfeited their claim to humane treatment. I once read a comment box that said, "Put them in solitary confinement for the rest of their lives with a blanket and a Bible." People want to see justice done but not mercy. Yet Jesus said, "Visit the imprisoned." It's one of the corporal works of mercy. Our God is both just and merciful. (Comment boxes are seldom either of those.)
But even good people are afraid of prisoners. Understandably.
So I asked Sister if she finds resistance from the general public when they find out what kind of work she does. Do people scoff? Sneer? Or at least, sniff? I mean, people have done all three to me just for having more kids than you can count on one hand. Sweet little kids! If people think it's nuts to devote your life to your kids, what must they think about prisoners?
Her answer surprised me. (Because again this is Catholicism and it resists being scripted.)
You find what you look for. I find that there are more people who are willing to help. Part of my job is to collect donations. People give me things, carloads of stuff, for the prisoners. It’s those who have no experience with prisoners who don’t want to get involved. But Mother would say, “Jesus said, When I was in prison you visited Me. He didn’t say, when I was in church or at home you visited Me. Those who do work in the prisons love it.(From Catholic Digest)
"You find what you look for." I've been pondering that statement ever since. (I'm slow.) It applies to so many situations in life. Somebody needs to crochet it on a pillow.
It has made me re-evaluate my approach to a lot of things. For instance, I think back about how defensive I was when I was having our seven children. People could be so negative. Some of it was them but I daresay that some of it was that they were picking up on my vibe which was: "Seven. Got a problem with that?" I found what I looked for. By contrast, I have this young, upbeat friend with seven young children who almost never hears a negative word.
Transform Your Dating Life
I think that statement has to transform dating as well. If you find what you look for, I guess the question is, What are you looking for?
Are you looking for yourself or for someone else? If the search is about me, myself, and I, that is all you will find. "He who falls in love with himself has no rivals." (Ben Franklin) If, however, you search for someone to love you will not be lonely long. People respond positively to those whose hearts are open and accepting.
My nephew's dating story bears this out. He met his girlfriend through an online dating website (sorry, not this one). He had moved to a new town to start a new job and he wanted to meet people. So he typed in two words: "Catholic" and "Family" and there she was. He got in touch with her thinking, "Even if there is no chemistry with this person, it will be nice to have a friend." He had already accepted her for who she was before they'd even met. What girl wouldn't want to date a guy like that?
Mother Antonia spent half of her long life looking for "the good life." Most would say she found it. Still, she was deeply unsatisfied. She spent the other half looking only to accept what God had in mind for her. And she found the great love of her life.
What are you looking for?
What should you look for in a relationship? Susie Lloyd talks about dating deal breakers that make sense.
