There Are No Young People Here

I recently moved to a town with a larger Catholic population than my

previous home. The area has two Catholic churches; one has about 2,000

parishioners, the other is a smaller church of about five hundred people. There

is also a Catholic school (kindergarten through high school) and a

Catholic hospital. I hoped that there would be more social

opportunities for single Catholics my age than I had been privileged to

previously. I was wrong.

After attending Mass and seeing no relevant announcements in

the bulletins, I met with the priests. I asked about ministries and

programs for single Catholics. Their programs were only for widows and

widowers. They had nothing for never married or divorced/annulled

Catholics--and, I mean nothing, as if such persons didn’t even exist.

I asked about ministries and programs for young Catholics. They told me

about the youth programs for ages 10-18. I asked, “Don’t you have

anything here for college age or young professional Catholics--single

people between the ages of about 20 and 40?” One priest replied, “No.

We have no young people here. They grow up in the Church, they go to

college and they come back when they have kids. However, you are

welcome to come to our Knights of Columbus pancake breakfast. It will

be at 6 AM. Also, there is a Rosary group, but that is mostly women.”

“What are the average ages of the Knights and the women in the Rosary

group,” I asked? “The men are around 70 and the women are in their

70s,” he replied. “Is there anything at the church for me,” I asked? “I

encourage you to come to Mass and Adoration. When you have kids, they

will find a great school here,” he replied. I volunteered to start a

program for young Catholic singles, but the priest told me, “There are

no young people here.”

And, that was that.

I don’t understand why the priests believe there are no young

people in the community that would participate in the Church. The

Protestant churches are bursting at the seams with huge youth and

singles ministries. They advertise their programs for young people and

singles. They have concerts, retreats, dinners, speakers and all sorts

of social activities. Single Protestants are being welcomed into their

churches and bringing friends. They are meeting other singles there,

dating, marrying and having kids that then grow up in their churches.

I see a few single young Catholics who attend Mass. They come

to church alone and sit by themselves. No one speaks to them except

during the obligatory “offering a sign of peace” during Mass, which is

merely a reminder of just how alone you are when it is the only time

anyone acknowledges your presence. They leave quickly after Mass and

disappear into the parking lot, as if fleeing a situation that is

uncomfortable and even unpleasant. It is impossible to meet another

single person at Mass due to its very nature--it is a time and place of

reverence and silence. You can’t shove your way through aisles of

kneeling, sitting and praying people to introduce yourself to someone

you see sitting alone on the other side of the church.

After doing a little research and speaking with Catholics in

other parts of the country, it seems my experiences are not only

limited to the Protestant South. A friend who attends Mass at a huge

Catholic church in New York told me, “The only people at my church are

old people and parents with little kids; I’m never going to meet anyone

there.”

The only Catholic churches that seem to spend much energy on

outreach to young singles are those in college towns. So, what happens

if you don’t get married before you graduate, or you move after

finishing college? I guess you have to look for a mate outside of the

Church, which makes it far less probable that the person you meet will

be Catholic. My last serious relationship was with a Protestant--it

ended in large part because she could not accept the teachings of the

Catholic Church, and I didn’t want to marry and still attend Mass alone

– or raise children outside of the Church.

Maybe Catholics have traditionally “left” the Church for a

while after high school and come back after the birth of their first

child. However, the Church and the community have become increasingly

separate, populations have become increasingly mobile, society has

become increasingly secular and the majority of Americans are waiting

until later in life to marry, staying single or marrying and divorcing.

All of these factors make it more difficult for single young Catholics

to come back to the Church. Meanwhile, the Protestant churches are

growing. Single young Catholics are visiting Protestant Churches to

take part in their programs. Many are marrying Protestants and leaving

the Church.

Pope John Paul II taught that Catholic laity should be

involved in the life of the church, and that the church should be very

much a part of their lives. When he was a priest in Poland he formed a

group for single, young Catholics who had been his students when he

taught at the university level. He took them hiking and kayaking,

mentored them, was a matchmaker, provided them with a social outlet and

cared for their spiritual needs. He married many of them, and baptized

their children. As pope, he taught that bishops and priests should

encourage and foster programs and ministries geared toward laity.

Recently, on EWTN, Fr. Benedict Groeshell said that caring for single Catholics

should be a high priority for priests, so that there will be more

Catholic families. He ranked single Catholics just under instructing

kids and caring for the elderly.

Maybe the Church will takes steps to address this problem. The

Church always does the right thing, but it often takes generations for

our 2,000+ year old institution to acknowledge and solve its problems.

In the meantime, breakfast at 6AM with the Knights of Columbus just

won’t cut it! I never could have imagined that joining the universal

Church, the Body of Christ, the Family of Christ would have ushered in

my awareness of just how socially alienated young adults feel in their

Church. I’m fairly sure that this isn’t the way things are supposed to

be.