New Life After Divorce

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I can’t believe that this summer marked nine years since the end of my marriage. When I was back in the middle of itgoing to court, explaining new schedules to my childrenI never thought it would end. I honestly thought I would live in this misery forever.

It was a long process, but today I look around and I realize that I am content. I have built a new life for myself and for my children. I have wonderful friends, I have a job that I enjoy (most of the time!), I have realigned my priorities and I get to share my stories with Catholics who are in my similar situation.

Also, I am in a position to meet new peopleperhaps one day soon I will meet the man God is calling me to marry. I see now that this is all in God’s time and not in my own.

One of the most important aspects of this new life I have built is my friends. Some of these friends I knew before my divorce but many of my closest friends today I met after that time in my life. This, more than anything, is a sign that my life has moved onit’s in a different place than where I was shortly after the divorce. I’ve gone to new places and met new peoplepeople who value the things that I value.

Struggling through those first years, it took some discipline not to hang out with my old friends who wanted to rehash the details of the divorce and talk about how much of jerk my former spouse was. I knew in my heart that this was just because they cared for me and wanted to share in my hurt. I found very quickly however, that indulging in this type of activity made me feel hollow and I knew already that I wanted to move past these difficulties and not become bitter.

I tried to think about where I would find people who cared about the things that I cared about. To fill up some of my suddenly expanding free time, I took courses at a local Catholic college (Holy Apostles College and Seminary and they have online courses for those of you who aren’t in Connecticut!)

I scoured bulletins from area parishes to find activities for singles and opportunities like lectures or devotions where I could be with people I knew had common interests. I began working on an apostolate to bring Christ to others who wouldn’t normally meet him at Mass.

Building relationships in this manner was slow-going, but I purposely chose to surround myself with people who focused on their faith so that we would already have a common starting point. I didn’t realize until looking back now, what an important decision this would be.

Recently, my daughters and I went out to Chicago for Ordinations for three Deacons that we know who are from the Canons Regular of St. John Cantius. This trip is becoming an annual event (you can read about my experiences from last year). That first trip was so amazing that I just had to go back!

One of the great joys of this year’s trip was actually encouraging two of my closest friends to join us in Chicago. I was excited about this trip because of my own experiences and I wanted to share that joy with others. I had not realized however, until they both arrived and we were sitting together in the magnificent parish of St. John Cantius, what a great blessing it was to share this joy with friends who actually cared about the things that I cared about.

In my life before my divorce, I was more concerned with the things of this world. My life was in a different place and my choices and my friends reflected that. The suffering that I experienced during the divorce made me consider what was really important to me and what kind of foundation I wanted to construct for my children. Today, I get great joy in being able to share these valuable experiences with real friends who understand what is most important to me.

There is new life after divorce. Being patient, taking the time to heal, making new friends and realigning your priorities all takes time, but in the end, it is so worth it to build a new life rooted in God and his Church. To take part in activities that have eternal significance and to share these great memories with those who are closest to you can be a life-changing opportunity.

How have your relationships with friends changed since going through your divorce? What kind of opportunities have you taken to meet people with goals and values similar to your own? How have these folks helped you to move past the difficulties of your divorce?

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