Money and Marriage: What Single Catholics Need to Know
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Are you a 'saver' or a 'spender'?
We all know couples like this: one partner blows money like it is Kleenex in January while the other is tighter than a button on Santa Claus. How big a deal is money? In your search for your soulmate, maybe money doesn’t seem that important. There are so many other issues—like whether the other person shares your faith. Is having different money habits than your partner trivial like wearing mismatched socks? Or is it a deal-breaker?
To explore how a couple’s views on money can affect a future marriage, we turn to expert budget cruncher and author, Sam Fatzinger. Sam is a happily married mother of fourteen children. If that is not enough to blow your mismatched socks off, she and her husband Rob live on a single modest income. If you want to propel your socks right to the moon, get this: they live well and are debt-free.
How did they get there? The short answer is: together. Their journey began with one key conversation when they were dating. Sam and Rob share that and more of what they have learned along the way in their new book, A Catholic Guide to Spending Less and Living More.
Q: In the chapter called, “Take Stock and Dream Big,” you speak of how you and Rob set long-term goals right from the beginning. How did long-term goals set you up for success?
Sam: [excerpted from the book] “Looking at the big picture from the outset helped us achieve specific goals that we set along the way. For example, I found it easier not to spend money when I knew Rob was putting away money to buy our dream home…That big beautiful house was an important goal for us; but we kept on saving because it was only part of the financial vision we had established that would chart the course of our life together. This was our vision in a nutshell: Don’t spend money unless necessary so we can afford to be open to life and stay home with our kids.”
Q: So, how you handle is about way more than money. It’s about family. What are some good first steps a couple can take to provide for a future family?
Sam: Pay off debt; put away savings for a rainy day; discuss tithing; and share big purchase goals such as future homes or vacations.
Q: Let’s talk tithing. In the chapter entitled, “Be Generous” you sum up the Catholic perspective on money.
Sam [excerpted from the book] “Do not be afraid you won’t have enough if you give some away. It is not yours in the first place; it is just on loan to you to use for the Lord’s purposes.”
Q: That alone would make a good topic of discussion for a couple. Speaking of which, how do you bring up the subject of money on a date?
Sam: Just talking about your feelings on money/finances would be best and let your date share if they want to. You could start off with something like, “This is how I feel about debt.” Or “I think it is important to save for…” You could also ask them how they would answer the following question:
My feelings about money are:
- God will provide, I don’t need to save money.
- Spend it all now, you can’t take it with you!
- Save for a rainy day, better safe than sorry.
- I will tithe when I am more financially stable.
Q: If talking about money is too awkward at first, what are some signs that you can look for to see if you and your date are on the same page?
Sam: You can tell by what type of dates you go on. Seeing how their family lives and spends money could be a good eye-opener also.
Q: Let’s talk about kinds of dates. Cheap, inexpensive, and expensive. A cheap date is focused on spending as little as possible if your date isn’t worth it. What is the difference between that and a simply inexpensive date?
Sam: An inexpensive date is one that is well thought out, creative, and has attention to detail about the other person’s temperament, likes, and disposition—things like a picnic or walk in the park. Also, you can find fun and practical activities as opposed to “over the top” extravagant dates.
Q: What do you think of expensive dates?
Sam: Extravagant dates are fun sometimes but should be saved for special occasions.
Q: In your opinion, after managing a budget for sixteen people, what big things are worth spending money on?
Sam: I would say, a home, a car, good appliances, a vacation, a date night, and gifts for others are worth spending money on.
Q: How about not?
Sam: Credit cards or any other high-interest debt.
Q: According to Dave Ramsey, money problems are a common cause of divorce. What are some typical disagreements married people have about money?
Sam: Debt, spending without communicating, holidays and gift-giving, cars, homes, eating out, and online shopping. Those are the biggest topics of money stress in marriages.
Q: You mentioned one partner spending without communicating with the other. Is there a “my money” and “your money” in a relationship?
Sam: There should not be “my” vs. “your” money, due to trust and communication between spouses. You could have an unspoken agreement that you won’t spend more than $50 ($20 or $100) without talking about it first.
Q: What kind of financial footing should a couple be on before they get married?
Sam: A couple should be as debt-free as possible. They should be constantly communicating about their goals and be taking steps together toward making a plan or budget.
For more information and a just good homespun common sense, get the book. Maybe you’ll end up bringing it on a future date!
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