Years ago, when I was in my early 20s, I lived in Lake Tahoe, CA and worked in one of the major casinos as a Jr. Purchaser. That was definitely a dream job, as I got to spend other people's money! I bought hotel room furnishings, gaming supplies, waitress uniforms, and a whole lot more. It was pretty cool. But, despite my daily spending sprees, there was a stark difference between my professional life and personal life. I only made about $16k a year and was struggling to make ends meet. One day, I had a brilliant but terrible idea... I only had $20 to last me until payday and I thought, "I'll just hit the Black Jack tables and turn this $20 into $200." I lost all the money in the first two hands which was terrible, but it was brilliant because I was instantly cured of any possible problem with gambling. The next several days were quite painful, to say the least.
Everyone knows you shouldn't gamble when you have so much to lose. Common sense, right? Well, many couples these days are taking this same approach to marriage. Are they smart, or are they cynical? A lot of people view marriage more as a gamble than a permanent lifestyle because if it ends in divorce, they have too much to lose.
Enter the prenuptial agreement, a popular form of marriage insurance with wealthy men and women that is now becoming a more standard component of saying "I do."
I recently received an email from a CatholicMatch member asking about the Church's take on prenuptial agreements so I thought I'd offer some food for thought for anyone else who may be wondering what the deal is.
First of all, prenuptial agreements are not expressly prohibited by the Church and can legitimately be used in certain circumstances. The most typical situation where a prenuptial agreement would be permissable and helpful is in the case of a widow or widower with children getting remarried. "A prenuptial agreement is a legitimate way of determining what is common property and what is separate as a basis for determining the inheritance rights of each spouse’s children" according to Father Ken Doyle, writer for the Catholic Times.
But, by-and-large, prenups are not a good idea for the following reasons:
1. Prenuptial Agreements contradict the teaching of the Catholic Church on the permanence of marriage.
If a man proposed to a woman and started out by saying, "I'm madly in love with you and I'm pretty sure I want to grow old with you..." how does that sound? It's certainly not what the woman wants to hear and neither is it what God intended marriage to be. If you are approaching marriage as if it were a gamble, then you're just not ready to get married. The essence of marriage is a lifetime commitment. So, it doesn't matter what curve balls life throws at you, you stand by your promise to remain together for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, 'til death do you part. Period. If you have a prenuptial agreement in place, you're basically stating that you can bail out at any time, or you don't trust your soon-to-be spouse will keep his or her vows.
2. A prenuptial agreement could potentially invalidate an attempt at a valid marriage.
When a divorce occurs and a tribunal examines the case to see whether or not an impediment existed that would prevent a valid marriage from taking place on the day of the wedding, the existence of a prenup could possibly be one of those impediments. Fr. Doyl further explains:
Canon 1102 The Code of Canon Law says that “marriage subject to a condition about the future cannot be contracted validly.” For a prospective spouse to say, for example, “I will marry you, if you agree I’ll get half the assets at a divorce,” strikes at the heart of the Church’s view of marriage.
3. It sends the wrong message.
Especially at a time when marriage is under attack, couples need to send the right message about what a healthy marriage relationship looks like. Marriage is not perfect, because humans aren't perfect, but it is permanent. Marriage and family life should be a safe and secure place where each person can be themselves and grow with confidence.
So, you want to hear the kicker? A study completed by the National Center for Family and Marriage Research found couples who share joint bank accounts are less likely to get divorced. Contrary to the prenup perspective, married couples who keep their income and assets separate are 145 percent more likely to divorce. All you have to do is look at the tabloid headlines in the magazine racks and see the proof right there.
The best way to protect yourself when getting married is to fully understand what you are getting into and commit your life to someone who loves you, understands the commitment, and will do the exact same thing for you.
Feel free to send your comments and questions to [email protected]
