How to Test Drive Your Marriage

People disagree about whether to have sex on the first date. Some think it's classier to wait until your second or third or even until you are sure you want to keep dating. But most agree that you should have sex with someone you think you might marry.

Their reasoning is: marriage is a commitment; sex is an important part of marriage; you need to know if you're physically right for each other.

Some even say, "You wouldn't buy a car without test driving it, right? So why would you marry someone you haven't slept with?"

By this logic, some say that you should probably have slept with other people too. You don't usually buy the first car you test drive, right? You need to compare it to the features other cars have, don't you? So before you commit, it helps to compare experiences.

Supposedly this is a sound way for a couple to have a good marriage.

Here's what happens when you test drive sex ...

1. First, you get used to quick gratification. Why wait and sacrifice and save up when you can have the pleasure now?
2. Second, you think of commitment as temporary. You give your most intimate gift of self to people as long as things feel good. When that stops, you trade in for a newer model, with less mileage.
3. Third, you wear down your natural defenses... no doesn't always mean no. Even where there is outward mutual consent, inwardly there is resistance. If I don't give in, he'll break up with me. This sort of caving into pressure or manipulation transfers into all areas of marriage. I don't agree with this, but I don't want to make her mad.

Next time someone tells you that you have to test drive your marriage, tell them they are right. You just need to test drive it a completely different way—by waiting for marriage to have sex.

Isn't marriage more than sex?

People want to find someone who will love them and be true to them—no matter what.

Here's what happens when you test drive waiting for sex ...

1. First, you get used to delayed gratification. There are going to be times when your spouse doesn't give you what you want. Hormones fluctuate. Bills are stressful. Kids are needy. One spouse might be so tired they just need to sink into the pillow and recharge for another demanding day tomorrow. The other will need to be patient and loving, and sometimes forgiving. Is this the end of satisfaction as we know it? Far from it. Your spouse will love you more for your sacrifice and you will experience a cosmic leap in affection later.
2. Second, you reserve your most intimate gift of self to the one person who really knows you and is committed to you—no matter what. You will not always have the slick exterior you once had but your spouse will see past the dings in your body into your heart. Life will get hard—it always does—but just knowing that you are mutually faithful will give you strength to bear the hardships. Together.
3. Third, you learn to give and expect respect. You will gain the habit of listening to your beloved and trying to understand the person's needs, rather than pressuring them to meet yours. You and spouse will trust each other and you will have a firm foundation to build a lifetime of happiness.

Go ahead—test drive your marriage by waiting. You will learn a lot about yourself and about the other person and you will develop habits that will keep your marriage running smoothly for a lifetime.