He Said, She Said: Communication Between the Sexes

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Editor's Note: Danielle Bean is the giving the opening session at the National Catholic Singles Conference. The title of her talk is, "He Said, She Said: Communication Between the Sexes." Here is a preview of what she will talk about in Atlanta.

Soon after we were married, I overheard my husband having a phone conversation while making plans with a friend. His end of the conversation went something like this:

“Yeah . . . Right . . . Great . . . Uh-huh . . . Yup . . . Okay . . . See ya.”

And then he hung up.

I was aghast. How could he be so rude? What I didn’t know yet was that this was simply how men communicate with one another. Briefly.

I recognized this difference in communication between the sexes again recently when Dan asked me to call a friend of mine to confirm the date and time of an upcoming event.

“I won’t have time to do that until this evening,” I told him.

“What? It will take you 30 seconds.”

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I explained that I hadn’t spoken to this particular friend for a couple of weeks and, if I called, I would need to ask about her new job, her kids’ recent report cards, and her grandmother’s cancer. I would also have to follow up with her about that thorny issue with her sister-in-law she had shared with me the last time we talked. Calling to ask her for a date and time was a 30-minute commitment. Anything less would be rude.

Dan called her husband instead, and in fewer than twelve seconds, he had the information he wanted. See? Efficiency.

What’s more, I have to admit that there’s a refreshing simplicity about the way that most males handle conflicts. When it comes to conflict, I tend to hint at my displeasure, verbalize disagreements, and when all else fails, resort to good old-fashioned passive-aggressive behavior. I am wonderfully complex in that way.

But men don’t have time for any of that nonsense. If they need to, they fight. I say “fight,” but what we females call “fighting” most men would call simply “working it out,” if we forced them to describe in words what they do.

I observe it in my living room on a daily basis: My two sons scuffle. They shove, wrestle, and occasionally punch. This is fun. This is recreation. This is a good time.

At some point in the action, one boy shoves or punches the other boy a bit too hard. This is a foul and must be dealt with. They work it out — by shoving and punching, of course. The action gets intense and female onlookers are inclined to verbalize their concern, until one final punch is answered with another decisive punch.

“Wanna go play ball or something?” one of them asks. “Sure,” the other shrugs, and they are on their way. Leaving their baffled, bemused, and always-learning mother alone with her thoughts and prayers for the grace of understanding.

Join Danielle and the many dynamic speakers lined-up for the National Catholic Singles Conference. More than 72% of the tickets are sold out, so register today!

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