Gen needed a way to sort out if a potential date met her criteria of being a good Catholic, physically active, and intelligent.
"Even though I had decided to start making my personal life a priority, I did not have that much free time to date," Gen, 31, explains. "I figured there just had to be a better way to sort through the basics. CatholicMatch was exactly that!"
Gen had been a member only a day or two before Ian messaged her.
He wanted a woman that would challenge him spiritually.
Ian was finishing up grad school and coming out of a long-term relationship, which helped him know that he needed to date a woman who challenged him and fostered spiritual growth. He also wanted her to be athletic and intellectual.
"I was in Texas, and the 'super-smart, science-y, Catholic, athletic-girl' cross-section was pretty slim," explains Ian, 35.
While writing his dissertation, Ian turned to CatholicMatch, spring 2013—during the election of Pope Francis.
"I was on for maybe four to eight weeks before seeing Gen's cute face pop up in the 'new members for you' section."
They both loved science!
Ian's long hair caught her eye (though he cut his hair before they met in person—something that Gen teases Ian about false advertising). She appreciated his first messages because he pointed out things in her profile that he liked. They hit it off straight away because they had so much in common.
"We talked about places we have traveled, our common interest in science and physics, our shared love of progressive rock metal, etc.," she says. "I had a number of hits in the first weeks of CatholicMatch, but he stood out in conversation and we quickly started talking via Google chat."
Ian adds, "The first time I saw her face in live motion was during my Ph.D. defense. I had set up a video conference for friends and family, and she actually showed up. I don't think it made me more nervous but looking back on it…it probably should have!"
Because they lived so far apart— Gen lived in Indiana and Ian lived in Texas—they talked for a few months before making plans to meet in person.
She wondered if they'd ever meet...
The couple had plans to meet in the summer, but Ian's uncle died, so they had to postpone their date. Even though Gen understood, she felt that it was a sign that they'd probably never meet. However, she had nothing to fear because they met in Chicago a few weeks later to attend one of Ian's friend's weddings.
"I felt very at ease the whole time—like we had known each other for a long time already," she recalls.
When Ian showed her the stars, Gen knew he had potential. They were leaving Sunday evening Mass when Ian pointed toward the sky, pointing out some of the constellations.
"After he did this, I was pretty sold!" she remembers. "I dropped him off at the airport, and we had our first kiss in the departures lane!"
Despite thinking the date went fantastically, Gen felt uncertain if it would work out because of the long distance.
Prayer bonded them!
From near the beginning of their relationship, Gen and Ian prayed together. During video chat, they would say the Rosary and Liturgy of the Hours before bed. They would also send each other hymns and chants.
"Even though it was kind of weird, it felt great and there was something freeing about it," she shares. "It opened up this whole avenue of intimacy that was very helpful because the distance prevented the development of many other kinds of intimacy."
So, they dated other people...
In the beginning, the couple kept their relationship casual. Ian and Gen felt that the miles between them were a significant obstacle and that the odds were against them.
"We didn't want to be barriers to the other in pursuing other relationships," they say.
Gen adds, "It was really good, I think because it clarified in my mind how much more I liked Ian than the other guys I was seeing—even guys that on the surface had similar good qualities."
Part of Gen's fear about dating was settling too soon and wasting time with the wrong guy. However, it became more apparent to her that Ian was the best fit. The distance no longer seemed an unsolvable problem.
Then, they had their first "I love you"!
After graduating from grad school, Gen moved to Huntsville, Alabama. When Ian came for a visit, the couple picked out their beloved pet, Rocket.
"I got him as a birthday present to myself when I first moved to Huntsville," she says. "Ian was with me to help pick him out and helped me name him."
All the good feeling from bonding with Rocket set the mood to tell one another, "I love you."
"It was on the first day with Rocket that we first said the word. It was probably true earlier, but all the feels from playing with a cute new puppy definitely encouraged us to say it out loud," she shares.
Turning long-distance dating into an adventure!
Living far apart allowed them to travel more to beautiful locations. They alternated going to each other's city, and they met in other parts of the country.
During the 4.5 years of long-distance dating, they visited the Rockies, the Smokies, West Coast, East Coast, Great Lakes, Gulf, caves, sand dunes, beaches, mountains, big cities, and little college towns.
"We both have a passion for nature and travel and having the opportunity to do that stuff together was a real treat and definitely factored into our relationship. Dating locally, we may not have made that kind of travel a priority," they say
Moving to Arlington...
Gen wasn't sure if Ian was 'the one' nor did she believe in this concept, but she says there was something ineffable about their connection. "Something that I couldn't quite say was a box he checked on a checklist—more than chemistry but not like fate."
Gen decided to take a job in Ian's city, Arlington, TX. She wanted to live nearby to see if that unnamable thing was enough a life together with Ian.
"When I got to Texas, it seemed that every day we were getting a little holier together. That we really could build a holy life together," she explains.
Engagement!
In June of 2018, Ian had plans to propose to Gen during their trip to Hawaii. He composed a prayer that he would recite to her on the Kaihalulu Red Sand beach during the trip.
They hiked out early before sunrise. Photography is a hobby of Gen's, and Ian gave the pretense that they could go walking before dawn, so she could take a long stop motion of the sun rising over the ocean.
"But really, it was just a good way to get pictures of the proposal without me getting suspicious," she laughs.
On the beach, Ian recited the prayer he had written:
"Almighty and ever-living God, thank you for the gift of life and for Gen. Before you formed us in our mother's womb, you knew us. And we know our hearts are restless until they rest in you. With Gen, my heart rests and [I] know it is your love written on her heart that draws me closer to you through her. Lord Jesus Christ, in your sacrifice on the cross you redeemed all sin and human weakness. Thank you for Gen who also knows my weaknesses and loves me even still, as you do. It is by the Grace of the Holy Spirit that I have the knowledge, wisdom, understanding, and courage to say... Gen, our relationship has been full of surprises. But at every turn, it always felt right and gave me great peace. You have taught me so much about myself, about love, and about God. I don't know what life has in store, but I do know that no matter what I am doing, I want to be doing it with you."
Then Ian asked, "Genevieve Vigil, will you marry me?"
Trust is everything.
Looking back at their dating relationship, Ian says what strikes him is the tremendous amount of trust it took.
"Not from an 'I hope she doesn't cheat on me' perspective, but from a 'this all could just go away at any moment,'" he explains. "I think it was because of that trust that we built our relationship on solid ground. It made the time spent together even more vibrant—something that carries us through to this day."
He adds, "To love fully is so difficult, but I have complete trust that Gen is always striving to love me fully, and she knows that I strive always to love her fully."
A happy ending!
In June of 2019, Gen and Ian joined their lives through the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony at St. Joseph Catholic Church in Huntsville, Alabama. In October 2020, they welcomed their first baby.
.
