Give up Complaining for Lent

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I'm a complainer. Always have been. It's been a major stumbling block in my personal life as well as in my spiritual life.

In other words, nobody likes me—even God.

Just kidding. But when I was younger my tendency to complain did push people away and it did give me a sense of discontentment about myself. God loved me but I didn't feel it. I mean, why wasn't He giving me more of what I wanted?

By the grace of God, I got away from that negative thinking. Well, mostly. Old habits are tough to break, especially if you get some payoff.

Let's look at a few key reasons people complain as brought to you by Stress.about.com:

1. Complaining works. You get what you want. At least from some people. Though it probably makes it harder to get what you want from others. So go figure.

2. It validates you. You can't just ignore when bad things happen, right? Plus, a lot of times there is nothing else you can do to fix it except try to get your friends to say how stupid or bad other people are for wronging you.

3. It's a way of feeling in control of an unruly situation. Like if you notice what's wrong then it can't sneak up on you.

So there are some positives to being negative. But let's face it, it's dangerous. It's like handling corrosive chemicals. Sometimes you have to speak out, but you want to be careful. At least that's how it is for me.

So one Lent I tried to give up complaining. I had just read A Complaint Free World, a fun self-help book by a minister. It was an easy read. The observations and advice made sense and most of it stuck with me.

For example, to this day when I'm on the road and I'm following someone who is going too slow, I try to appreciate it and think good thoughts about it like: "This bumpkin could be keeping me from taking the upcoming turn too fast and getting killed." (See? Even my positive thoughts have a sort of negative vibe to them.)

The book was so practical. You put a purple wrist band (or in my case, a dingy rubber band) on one wrist and every time you complained (or criticized or gossiped) you put it on the other wrist. This little device kept you on your toes, thinking about breaking your bad habit. Because that's the nature of vices, they get ingrained. We don't think about them. We just do them.

Maybe you like this idea and want to try it. Great. But here's a heads up. It does make you attuned to your complaining habit but it also makes you attuned to the complaining habits of others.

Warning: Devil talk ahead 

You see, the devil is not going to simply let you or anyone just give up a vice that easily. He is going to bug you the whole way. You will not be basking long in the peaceful silence wrought by the absence of your complaints. Everyone else's will burst in like cacophony (not that they're complaining any more than usual. You just have bionic ears).

You think you complained before? Try living with these cretins. Don't they know how they sound? Are they not aware of how selfish, petty, and annoying they are?

Try this instead. It worked for me. Don't just not do something. That leaves a void. As you see, the void is easily filled with something worse—kind of like when those petty despots in Central America would get overthrown by Communists.

So think: replace.

Replace your complaints with gratitude. You have to fight negativity—not with the absence of it—but with positivity. Pray for the people who drive you crazy. Not simply like this: "O Lord, stop them from driving me crazy"—though I'm all for that kind of prayer. But also like this "Help me to love them anyway. Liking them would be a nice bonus if you could arrange it." Then think and say positive things about them to them.

You'll find that you like them better. You'll like yourself better. You'll like God better too.

You will realize that God Himself had plenty of cause for complaining. In fact, we're about to hear all about it during Passion week. Jesus cured sick people, forgave sinners, and raised the dead. In turn, people mocked Him, called Him a devil, and eventually killed Him. This to me is the clearest proof that He is God. Only God would willingly die for such jerks.

You are probably expecting me to say that Jesus never complained. Not true! He did! He was not a complaint-free Messiah. "My soul is sorrowful even unto death" (Matthew 26:38).

But He did complain a certain way.

My husband is fond of teaching our children the "rules" of complaining as outlined by Jesus Himself in the Garden of Gethsemane.

  1. Complain rarely. Jesus spent most of His verbiage on teaching. Once in awhile He'd sound off about having no where to lay His head or priests being white washed tombstones but even then He was really teaching. In the Garden, though, He was having a very human moment. He was asking his friends for support. "Wait here and watch with me."
  2. Complain when things are really bad. Like when one of your best friends betrays you. Or people spread rumors about you. Or when every good thing you've ever done looks like it is about to fall to pieces.
  3. Complain only to a few people. Jesus complained to His nearest and dearest. In the Garden it was Peter, James, and John—three people. Plus His Father in Heaven and possibly the angel who came to comfort Him.

God does not expect us never to complain. We are human after all. We do carry the burden of our sinful nature and are surrounded by other people's. Lent is a good time, though, to put complaining in perspective—and in its place.

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