When Should You Talk About Money With Your Honey?

Some time back I wrote about how there is a burgeoning trend in online dating that is based on credit scores.

I pointed out what I saw as a correlation between money concerns as a cause of divorce. With that said, I did not mean to imply that money management was unimportant. Quite the opposite, actually; I believe it is crucial to a solid marriage. I do think, however, when it goes too far, as in a significant, if not only, criteria for a relationship, it's a recipe for disaster—and divorce.

So how does an engaged couple go about discussing money management as part of marriage preparation? How should that work? What is the proper procedure, if there is one?

Share expenses and income. Some wise advice I'd received is to sit down with each other and hash out each individual's expenses and income. If you have the access and the means, meet with a financial planner, so that there is a neutral third party who is financially savvy. If last years' tax returns are available and both parties agree to share them, by all means, do so. It's a great way of viewing the big picture all at once. If not, at least a few check stubs and maybe some receipts typical of spending habits—grocery, transportation and utility payments, for instance. Then work in rent, mortgage,  or maintenance; whatever your living situation is, and any other expenses.

Be honest about debt. So those are ongoing, current payments that are what one could categorize as immediate needs. A friend of mine calls them "consumables," which is a good term. Another thing to factor in are previous expenses—student loans, prior credit card debt, and the like.

Decide about payments. Here's the tricky part: deciding how payments are handled. This is where a lot of issues arise and may be one of the factors in marital money problems. It has to be done, though. When I was married we started a joint account, combined our average expendable costs, and split them in half. The previous expenses such as student loans were handled individually.

Make a budget. If budgets need to be made and belt-tightening needs to happen, it's best to work all of that out sooner rather than later. A lot of the issues that rise out of money management could possibly be remedied at this stage. This is when we can learn a lot about our partners, and hopefully both parties can negotiate, and compromise, if needed, and stay focused on working together for a common goal.

Save for a rainy day. One of the most important expenses can really solidify a successful partnership: savings. I know a couple—granted, a financially savvy one—that has three separate accounts: an emergency fund; a fund for travel, gifts, and entertainment;  and a savings account for the future: house purchases, retirement, children's education, and things of that nature. The message in building up savings together is twofold: that your commitment is long—term, and that you are no longer two separate entities.

If and when we enter the sacrament of marriage, we become one flesh, united by faith. And although money is an earthly concern that we as Catholics could try not to get mired in, it is a reality that, depending on how it is handled, can make or break this sacred union. At the end of the day, it's very difficult to keep things in perspective, but one thing is sure: money problems may come and go, and in our unstable financial times, probably will; but there are so many things in a marriage that are more important.