Face It, Don't Facebook It: Mature 21st-Century Break-Ups

As if you didn’t already know that Facebook is completely ruling our social lives, the Boston Public Health Commission sponsored a one-day conference a few years ago for 200 teenagers focused on healthy breakups in the world of this powerful social networking tool.

Teens and their parents attended workshops like:

“Breaking Up is Hard To Do: Ten Tips for Supporting Your Teen" – A tool for adults to assess their skills around talking to/helping teens through break-ups

"Healthy Relationship Quiz" – A tool to help teens determine if they are in a relationship that they want to stay in

"U R Breaking Up" - A tool that uses the cell phone reception bars to help teens think about the best way to be heard/have maximum reception during a break-up

"What Apps Will You Choose?" – A tool that uses common cell phone applications to help teens think about their technology choices when going through a break-up

Teens were challenged to define healthy and unhealthy breakup actions. Posting mean or embarrassing Facebook statuses about an ex was deemed unhealthy, of course, while rushing into a new “Facebook official” relationship was also considered unhealthy.

While the majority of participants were responsive to the messaging (only one eye roll was seen), one teenager was quoted in a New York Times Magazine article as saying: “Who needs the drama? I’ve got enough problems without some stupid boy breaking up with me on Facebook.”

Agreed!

Even as adults, we encounter questionable breakup activity. Perhaps a relationship was ended by an impersonal text message or even worse, you knew the relationship was over only after seeing “single” flash across your news feed next to your then-significant other’s name.

Through years of dating and relationships, we learn that sometimes messy break-ups are necessary and that you have to be adult enough to ask, “So, what are we?” even when it’s awkward and unnerving.

We have to be an example for the younger generations and show that within healthy breakups, you must “Face it, not Facebook it.”