I can vividly remember having a conversation with my parents when I was 12 about why I wasn't allowed to wear a two-piece bathing suit. This was a particularly difficult issue for me because all my friends wore two-piece suits or bikinis. And being a Southern California girl who spent much of my time at the beach or in the pool, my parents' explanation didn't seem reasonable to me. What I didn't know at the time, but appreciate the heck out of now, is that they were helping me know how to dress for success in life.
"But, if the parts you need to cover are your chest and below the belt, what's wrong with showing my back and my stomach?" I asked. My father looked at my mother with frustration but also a hint of gladness that I was still innocent enough to not realize what adolescent boys and adults know comes as a result of showing too much skin. I don't remember my dad's answer verbatim, but the outcome was the same as it always had been. Modesty is more important than fashion.
I've got some battle scars from fighting in the war on modesty as I became an adult. Occasionally, I would veer away from modest fashions and wear something I knew was too revealing. It certainly did have the affect my parents had always warned me about and I learned quickly, albeit, the wrong way, how modesty really plays a huge part in being successful in relationships.
For example, when I was dating and felt the pressure to have sex, it would have been very difficult to say, "No, I'm saving myself for marriage" and have my date believe me if I wore clothing that sent a contradicting message. My date, who receives my mixed signals, probably wouldn't stop pressuring me to give him access to my body because I've already allowed him to "ogle" me. If my date believes he can wear me down and finally get me to succumb to his advances, you can bet he's going to try. In the end, he may be at fault for being the aggressor, but I am equally at fault for sending the invitation.
I've written in the past about how couples who honor each other instead of use each other have much more success in their relationships than those who don't. Dressing modestly is part of honoring your date. But many people – and I refer to both sexes here because men can dress suggestively, too – would argue that they should be able to dress as they please and if the other person can't control themselves, well then that's his or her problem. So, the question at the heart of the matter is: Is a woman really responsible for a man's sexual aggression when she dresses immodestly or is he just an animal who can't control himself?
We find a great answer to that question in 1 Corinthians 8:9, where St. Paul advises us: But take care that this liberty of yours does not somehow become a stumbling block to the weak. I'd say that means yes, women are partly responsible when they dress immodestly. Women should take care to dress modestly so they do not cause others to sin.
But, dressing for success goes beyond just dating. It's important to be modest in every situation. You probably know what it's like to work in an office where some females dress intentionally to be the office "hottie." The attention they garner may be flattering to their egos, but do they ever stop to think about the married men who are forced to be around them and are constantly tempted to stray from their wives and families? What about the effect it has on children? If you dress immodestly in front of your or someone else's children, those kids will probably assume there's nothing wrong with it and follow suit. But most importantly, what about showing up for mass dressed in something revealing?
That being said, I don't believe you have to sacrifice fashion for modesty. Some of the most fashionable women I know dress very modestly. You can look like a million bucks without letting it all hang out or wearing clothes that are so tight there is little left to the imagination. There are some great websites out there where you can find fashionable, modest clothing like the fashion line at MikaRose.com or SierraBrooke.com and I encourage you to take a look, but mostly encourage you to dress for success when you date.
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