Don't Give Away Your Heart Too Quickly

Editor’s Note: I’ve decided to use the 40 days of Lent to reflect on the questions from the St. Raphael prayer card. The 12 questions are a small reminder to improve myself every day so that I can build good habits to prepare myself for marriage. Just starting your Lenten plan? It’s not too late. You can read the entire series here. This week I'm reflecting on the question: Do I give away my heart and emotions too quickly? 

Okay, picture this: The man of my dreams just walks through the door. I try not to be too obvious, but he is adorable and I am dying to meet him. I casually make my way over to his part of the room and nudge the host to introduce me. We chat, get a chilled beverage, and chat more. I am completely smitten with my new acquaintance as we talk away the evening. Soon, I'm surprised to discover that it is the end of the night and most of the partygoers have left already. Prince Charming offers to walk me to my car. He gives me a hug good night and asks for my phone number.

I drive away feeling like my head is going to explode and I can't stop smiling. When I get home I have a text: "Had a great time talking with you. Hope you have a good night." We text back and forth for a little while until we both say: "g'night."

The next day he calls and asks if I am available for brunch. After the waitress clears our plates and after many coffee refills he asks when he can see me again ... and at that moment I start dreaming about my wedding dress.

I go home and practice my new signature with his last name. Before I can really get to know my Prince Charming I have already sealed the deal and given my heart to him.

Please tell me that I'm not the only one who is guilty of giving away my heart and emotions too quickly.

Now I know many couples who had a fast dating and engagement period (and have been married for years) and I also know many couples who preferred a slower dating process and waited years before they got engaged. I am not making judgments about the pace of a relationship, I am merely pointing out that it is prudent to guard your heart and emotions so you can truly discern what God is calling you to do.

The excitement of new love can have a tendency to make us do crazy things. We want to spend every waking moment with our new found love and learn everything about him or her. We become blinded by this intense connection and only think about when we can see our beloved again. This puppy love phase is just one of the stages our relationships will go through. If our relationship with this person is truly meant to be, our love will mature into a deeper lasting love.

Sarah Swafford, author of Emotional Virtue: A Guide to Drama-Free Relationships says that “Sometimes following your heart can be a good thing, but don’t forget to bring your head with you!”

So how do we know if we are foolishly giving away our hearts and emotions?

C.S. Lewis in The Four Loves writes about Eros gone bad:

"For it is the very mark of Eros that when he is in us we had rather share unhappiness with the Beloved than be happy on any other terms. Even if the two lovers are mature and experienced people who know that broken hearts heal in the end and can clearly foresee that, if they once steeled themselves to go through the present agony of parting, they would almost certainly be happier ten years hence than marriage is at all likely to make them—even then, they would not part. ... Even when it become clear beyond all evasion that marriage with the Beloved cannot possibly lead to happiness—when it cannot even profess to offer any other life than that of tending an incurable invalid, of hopeless poverty, of exile, or of disgrace—Eros never hesitates to say, 'Better this than parting. Better to be miserable with her than happy without her. Let our hearts break provided they break together.'"

This may sound completely romantic when our hearts are infatuated with the Beloved. But take a step back and really look at the situation. You may have an intense and wonderful connection with someone, but this can blind you from seeing if he or she is truly the right person for you. Why do we lose sight of any common sense and think that fighting for this raw love can excuse us of our dignity or any sense of morality?

New love is a roller coaster ride. It is fun and exhilarating, but if we stay on the ride too long we might get sick. When we give away our hearts and emotions too quickly, we are in danger of falling into this false love which will only give us more heartache, with scars that are slow to heal.

Guarding your heart doesn't mean hardening your heart either. Pope Francis recently tweeted: "The heart grows hard when it does not love. Lord, give us a heart that knows how to love."

Have an open heart to your new relationship, but remember your heart is worth winning. You are worthy of great love.