Do You Give Away Your Heart Too Quickly?

“Sometimes following your heart can be a good thing, but don’t forget to bring your head with you!” This is the advice that Sarah Swafford gave to singles in her interview with the CatholicMatch Institute.

Sarah speaks about a less discussed aspect of chastity—the mental aspect, which she calls emotional virtue. Sarah explains that emotional virtue is “the right ordering of our minds and hearts with respect to our thoughts, actions, and desires. And how they relate to our relationships—a future relationship, in the midst of one, or in dealing with the aftermath of one that has ended.”

Sarah is one of the fantastic speakers who will be presenting at the Encounter Conference in Milwaukee on November 8. The CatholicMatch Institute spoke to Sarah about how single Catholics can properly guard their hearts and better discern dating and marriage.

How does emotional virtue help singles or even people who are in a relationship?

It is easy to see that bringing virtue into your life (whether you are currently dating someone or not) is always a win-win.

We need to be aware and prepare. Aware of what can “mess” with us emotionally in a negative way and affect those around us, and prepare ourselves to handle those things, so that we can be the person God is calling us to be.

If you are single, then virtue can be practiced by discerning your vocation and preparing yourself for the altar. If you are in a relationship, it is found in preparing for a life with this significant other and growing in service and love. Even if you are married, that awareness of what keeps you from virtue better equips you to continue to run the race of life—hand in hand with whom you are called to serve.

What are some tips for dating, engaged, or married couples in practicing emotional virtue?

Our world seems to have a set of criteria for what we should all be working to obtain, I call it the "world’s idea of perfect." Women have to be a size negative 2, perfect skin, hair, and wardrobe with the perfect friend group proudly displayed in her profile picture. The men have to be chiseled and charming, successful, and with a beautiful trophy girlfriend or wife on one arm. It is easy for people to compete and compare and not only tear themselves down, but tear others down in the process.

We need to look past the world’s idea of perfect and catch a glimpse of the soul of a person—to see their faith and virtue. What is truly desirable and attractive is a person who is striving for virtue and a relationship with Jesus Christ. Not only are they able to focus in on what really matters in life, but they are also able to grow together with others in friendship—and even eventually as a couple. Instead of viewing each other as a status symbol, these couples are supporting one another and running the race of life together. There is great strength in that, whether you are in a new dating relationship or you’ve been married for years.

What can you tell me about the Encounter conference?

I am really looking forward to the Encounter Conference this November in Milwaukee! Steubenville Young Adult Conferences are amazing, and to be able to offer an experience of community, truth, and deepening one’s relationship with Jesus Christ for young adults is very exciting. It can be hard for young adults to “find” each other in big cities and with busy schedules. Finding a group of friends to be able to journey through life with, at any age can be difficult, but it is especially challenging as a young adult.

It can be easy to feel like you are just “surviving” in life and in your faith, but this conference’s goal is to encounter the person of Jesus Christ—to move from just surviving to truly thriving.

How is the CatholicMatch Institute beneficial to married couples and singles?

I am so very thankful to the Catholic Match Institute for supporting the young adults (both single and married) in our Church. To have a place to turn to for support and resources as people navigate relationships is invaluable. Knowing that there are people out there taking the time to write and plan events that support young adults in fulfilling God’s call and plan for their lives is truly a blessing to us all.

Click here for more information and to register for the Encounter Conference.