CatholicMatch Matched Me With Nuns
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I am in the back of the church ready to walk down the aisle, Pachelbel's Canon in D is playing softly and everyone turns to look. I adjust my shawl, hold my flowers up high and then I say a little prayer that I don't fall flat on my face in front of the entire church.
Am I the blushing bride ready to meet my prince?
Not this time.
As the saying goes, always the bridesmaid, never the bride. This is my seventh time as a bridesmaid—five of those weddings were for my older sisters.
As a single Catholic, I desired marriage, but I wasn't ready yet.
So if you are a single Catholic who wants to move forward with your life, how do you get there?
I'd like to share my journey of how I navigated the rough waters of being a single Catholic and the lessons I needed to learn and experience in order to hear what God was inviting me to do with my life.
As a young (ish) professional, my calendar was packed full and I was busy every weekend. In fact, when a guy asked me out, I would tell him yes, but that I wasn’t really available for the next month. I could probably schedule him in if he could let me know ahead of time. I bet you can imagine how that turned out.
From the outside it looked like I was living the young and fun single life, but I was so busy with my own social calendar that I wasn't aware that I was missing out on the life that I longed for.
As a single person, I always thought there would be another opportunity. I wouldn’t RSVP to a party because I wanted to see if I’d get a better invitation. This happens in dating too, it’s hard to commit to one person because what if the perfect spouse is just around the next corner? I don't have to commit right now because I have a happy life. I kept telling myself that I was fine.
As a single person, I had it all: I owned my own home, I had good friends, and my dream job. But for some reason it wasn't enough. I wanted more. There was an emptiness in my heart that I was trying to fill, but nothing in my life at that time would satisfy that inner longing.
This emptiness and longing in my heart eventually motivated me to start praying for a spouse. I started going to daily Mass and praying the Rosary everyday. This was a profound moment of grace. God was inviting me to something deeper and he was asking me to respond.
He put a desire on my heart to pray for my future spouse, but I just hadn’t met “The One” yet. I thought God wasn’t listening, but little did I know he was answering my prayers, just not in the way I expected.
Answered prayers, but not in the way I expected ...
It all started with an essay contest that CatholicMatch hosted. As Managing Editor of the CatholicMatch Institute it was my job to judge the essays. We asked members to describe how they have discerned a vocation to marriage and how they were joyfully living out their faith until they meet “The One.”
As the entries came flying in, I realized that I was faced with a great responsibility. How could I honestly judge these essays if I hadn’t discerned God’s path for my own life? I started to think: how do I discern a vocation anyway?
Being a reporter at heart, I talked to many sources. I asked seminarians: how did you know you were called to the priesthood? I asked sisters, how did you know you had a vocation? I asked veteran married couples, how did you know you were in love? How did you know that you finally met the one?
So many married couples said “you just know.” For those of us who are waiting to fall in love that answer feels dissatisfying. And so I continued my quest until one afternoon a good friend of mine asked if I had ever discerned religious life. Having considered it briefly in college, I told her that ship has sailed. My future is being married with a bagillion kids so religious life wouldn’t make me happy.
Me and God had it all worked out. Little did I know that by trying to control every aspect of my future, my heart was not completely open to God’s work.
God you can’t seriously be calling me to religious life now? After all these years?
But with that question remaining on my heart, I had to find out. I didn’t want to wake up when I was 85 and wonder what my life would have been if I had just followed the desires of my heart. I wanted a clear answer.
The joy and happiness that I wanted
So just like that friend you’ve had around for years, but never thought about dating him, so was it like for me with the Franciscan Sisters of the Eucharist. I had been spending time in their young professionals group for years, it just never occurred to me that I might be called to be one of them. But I liked being with the sisters. They had a joy and happiness that I wanted.
So, I went on a vocations retreat with the Franciscan Sisters of the Eucharist and asked: how do I know if I have a religious vocation? I wanted to know for sure before I made any sort of commitment.
The novice mistress paused and calmly said to me: “You can sit on the side of the pool and wonder if the water is cold, but you are never going to know unless you jump in.”
God was asking me to make that leap of faith. No, I wasn’t 100% completely sure, but I felt a desire for this life. So without knowing the perfect plan, I plunged into the water.
How do you know you are called?
As I reflect on my years of praying to know God’s will, I see all the times he was leading my heart. During that time of waiting, he was asking me to trust him and he was preparing my heart to fall in love … with Him.
God knows our hearts. He knows when we are ready to say yes to his will. But He does not force us. He asks us to make a leap of faith. We can either sit on the side of the pool in our safe comfort zone or we can jump in and discover that actually the water is just right.
When I finally made the commitment to discern with the sisters, I came to know a happiness that I had never known before. All the desires and longings that I had were now being fulfilled … just not in the way I expected.
I thought my plan was the best, but God’s will was greater than I had ever imagined.
During my time with the Franciscan Sisters of the Eucharist, I have come to know that God’s love is extravagant. I have a confidence of His love and a firmness that I am his beloved daughter.
As God opens my heart, I also recognize a desire to know and experience more deeply the life of these sisters. This is just like someone who is in a new relationship and he desires to know his beloved more intimately.
Right now I am a postulant with the Franciscan Sisters of the Eucharist. In dating terms, you could say that I’m in an exclusive and committed relationship. At the end of May I will enter more deeply into this life with the next stage as a canonical novice … and this is like my engagement.
The sisters have a nine year engagement as they prepare for final vows. This isn't a prolonged "getting to know you," but it is an intense preparation for an extraordinary, life-long union. God willing, I too will be a perpetually professed bride of Christ and on my wedding day I will say yes to a life of chastity, poverty and obedience. Christ himself will be my spouse.
In Pope Francis’ letter “To All Consecrated Life” he said
Religious "are called to know and show that God is able to fill our hearts to the brim with happiness; that we need not seek our happiness elsewhere … and that … total self-giving in service to the Church, to families and young people, to the elderly and the poor, brings … life-long personal fulfillment.”
I am inspired by the witness of priests, nuns, sisters and brothers who had the courage to take a leap, say yes and give their selfless love daily.
While I hope there is one person who reads this that will also take the plunge and consider religious life, the lessons of my journey are easily applied to discerning dating and marriage.
So I would like to thank CatholicMatch for helping me find the perfect man. Indeed I have found the ultimate Catholic Match and I embrace my future with great hope.
Please pray for me and know that I am praying for all of you.
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