Can the Catholic Woman Have It All?

"I want it all.” Said everyone, everywhere, at every time in history. We Catholic women are no different. In fact, there’s even more included in our “all” to want! Is that necessarily a bad thing? Pointing to the saints (a good thing to do when in doubt), I’m reminded of St. Paul’s words that he regrets that he has but one life to live for the Lord, and how St. Therese of Lisieux desired just about every vocation you can think of (hence why a cloistered Carmelite is the patron saint of missionaries). No, the desire for a full life is a good and beautiful desire, but at times all of those desires as to what makes up that full life can seem contradictory, clashing, and just plain overwhelming.

I know from experience. When I say that I want it all, I literally mean all! I want to be the young striving artist in New York City. I want to be the business executive who leads meetings like a boss with my iPhone in one hand and Starbucks latte in the other. I want to be the backpacker who can survive outdoors for a month without a shower and find a way to make a campfire out of anything. I want to throw myself into the pursuit of higher education and truly become the expert in a particular field.

I want to be the world traveler who has spent years in Europe (preferably Italy) and has mastered a foreign language or two. I want to be the advanced yogi who is super fit and teaches classes in my  spare time. I want to open my own interior design business. I want to be a missionary in Africa. I want to be a mom and have my own version of Cheaper by the Dozen…

Overwhelmed yet?

The worst part is that sometimes in an effort to embark upon all of these pursuits simultaneously, I feel like I’m not actually doing any of them. Instead I feel stuck in the current-phase of life which, no matter what particular phase it is, seems all-consuming. I was recently telling my best friend (who has been married close to three years) about the latest social event I dragged another friend to as my wing-woman, and how despite our best attempts we utterly failed at getting said-man’s attention.

Her first response to my long-winded story was “gosh I miss those days.” Miss them?! You’re happily married! You’re where we’re trying to get! Yet her comment was so sincere and on-point. Thinking of how just four short years ago she was my wing-woman attending these events with me, it reminded me that life does, and will, change...for everyone.

You will not be single forever. You will not have babies and only sleep four hours a night forever. You will not be stressed with work deadlines forever. The phrase “this too shall pass” helps to put the struggles in perspective, as well as relish the present moment with gratitude, for each season of life is a gift and constitutes one piece of the puzzle that makes up the holistic “all.”

Unfortunately, we don’t want the “all” in pieces, we want it all now. I’ve got news for you, that’s called heaven! However, I would argue that we can indeed have it all, just not all at once. How? By learning to navigate the plethora of desires and obligations that seem to pull us in every direction with intentionality.

Three ways to have it all

1) Define and understand what your “all” is, as there can only be so many things you value above all else. As much as I love the idea of east-coast living as a freelance writer, what I’m choosing to prioritize is pursuing a career as a counselor, being near my amazing family, and fostering a solid community to support my future vocation.

Understanding your specific goals will help to channel your energy to pursue the things that you truly desire and keep your heart from a detrimental sense of disappointment by not pursuing things that you don’t really desire to begin with. Ranking your values, whether that be pursuit of adventure and travel, or attaining a few extra letters after you last name, provides a sense of clarity as to what you’re striving for and gives you something to measure your efforts against, rather than feeling like a perpetual failure when comparing yourself to the general population on social media.

2) Recognize what you have done, I guarantee you it’s more than you think! Remember that semester abroad in college? Or the random road trip you took with your girlfriends? Or the year you spent working in corporate America? Take time to reflect and even write down the many life experiences you’ve already had, recognizing that they count as pieces of your “all” and have changed and fostered what you desire for the greater picture. I know that the value I now place on intentional community was fostered by my college experience, and my pursuit of counseling stemmed from my time serving as a missionary.

3) What elements are left? Looking at where you have been alongside what you still desire, where’s the gap? Do you really desire to dive into a particular ministry? If so, embrace it! If you don’t have the capacity to do so now, hold onto that desire and continue to bring it to the Lord in prayer. Perhaps someday tangibly pursuing that ministry may indeed come to fruition. Take those things that pull at your heart and be open to how God could surprise you with them.

You, the amazing Catholic woman that you are, can have it all, just not all at the same time. But in reality, would you really want it all at once? Enjoy your time spent pursuing your career, being single, being a newlywed, having babies, having teenagers, being retired, and everything in between. Live each piece fully and completely, savoring the gifts they each bring, for each one will inevitably pass, and at the end of your life you can look back with confidence that you “lived your life to the fullest” (John 10:10).