Residents of Arizona, Bob and Patty, had a whirlwind romance that started with a long, soul-bearing love letter from Bob. In January of 2015, shortly after meeting, the couple became engaged. Their wedding date is slated for October 17, 2015. Both 58, they felt like they knew what they were looking for and that they were the "perfect puzzle piece for each other." Bob and Patty wanted to share with members a little about their relationship and about how to navigate online dating with success.
Why did you join CatholicMatch?
Bob: I’ve been widowed twice before and the only thing that has gotten me through those times has been my Catholic faith and my Church’s resources from my priest to Catholic Charities Counseling services. Suffice it to say that without that “rock” to cling to, I would not be who I am today. As a result, sharing my Catholic faith with my spouse is a very important concern for me.
Patty: I joined CatholicMatch because I wanted someone who shared my convictions and my values. I also liked the personality test and the faith questions. These made it easy to identify people I was compatible with.
What attracted you to one another?
Bob: When I read Patty’s profile, I felt a level of compatibility that kept drawing me back. I have to admit the fact that Patty and my first wife have the same name kept me from contacting her immediately, but eventually, I felt compelled by the Holy Spirit to write her a long letter in which I tried to let her see the real me. When I wrote that letter last summer, Patty was not checking her in box and was feeling that there would never be a match for her.
Patty: I finally got to the point that I pleaded with God: "Surely there is a man out there who wants the same things in a marriage as I want!" I felt prompted to try one more time and renewed my account with CatholicMatch for one month. There sitting in my inbox was that letter; it had been there for months. I read it and I cried. I immediately tried to contact him, but Bob was off the network at the time. I even broke the rules and put my telephone number in a couple of messages.
Bob: I would get emails from CatholicMatch telling me of Patty’s messages, and eventually I too felt drawn once again to rejoin the site. When I read those messages and saw that she had given me her phone number, I had to call.
Patty: When I answered the phone and Bob said who he was, I had to sit down. I thought I had waited too long, and that he was gone. I had pretty much given up and had shed some tears over the guy who wrote that wonderful letter and then disappeared.
What was your first date like? Do you have any funny or interesting stories to tell?
Bob: We decided that Patty would come and pick me up, as I don’t have a car at the moment. We had plans to go out to dinner at a favorite restaurant of mine. The restaurant was almost deserted when we got there, and we had a very leisurely time getting to know each other. We talked for what seemed like hours, and when she dropped me off at home, I was sure I should have either invited her in or at least given her a good night kiss.
Patty: The first date was relaxed and casual and comfortable. We spent the day of the first date asking a lot of deep questions and being very frank with each other. I started to feel like I knew this guy because no matter how difficult a question I asked, he always had an honest, open answer. We didn’t shy away from any topic. It was a long-running interview from both sides.
Bob: The next day Patty called me and said that before this goes any further there are some things I need to tell you. It was a long day, wondering what this “thing” was that she had to tell me was.
To make it short, Patty was an incest victim, and her brother is one of the best-known anti-Catholic apologists in the country. So when she converted, it was a family scandal. Patty appeared twice on “The Journey Home” on EWTN.
How long have you been dating? Any other stories that you might share?
Bob: We've been dating since January 28, 2015. We quickly knew that we were made for each other and have been engaged for most of that time. As Patty puts it, we are a perfect puzzle piece for each other. I give her the love and companionship she never had, and she fills the hole in my heart left by my two late wives.
Patty: After a week-long marathon of questions and answers and a lot of soul-baring, we both realized that we were exactly what we both had been looking for. To me, it felt like working a jigsaw puzzle. You try this piece and that because they look like a good fit, but they are just not right somehow. Then you find the right piece, and it snaps into place perfectly and the picture becomes clear. That was the first week of our relationship. We just knew this was it.
Do you have any advice for other members?
Bob: To Quote Winston Churchill: “Never Give UP, Never Give UP, And Never Give UP!”
Patty: What he said!
Did you encounter any hurdles or difficulties with online dating?
Bob: I found several false starts along the way. One date said I “reminded her of her uncle.” Another came all the way to Glendale from Tucson to say she didn’t “feel any chemistry.” And Patty had to sock a guy in the eye when he tried to go too far on a first date. So be careful, but also follow the guidance of the Holy Spirit to tell you when it’s right.
Patty: Listen to your instincts—and pray a lot—because not listening can lead you into some dangerous situations, as Bob mentioned. I didn’t date for a year after that previous experience. Also, I’d suggest being brutally honest about who you are and what you want. It will eliminate a lot of false starts and miserable first dates. We also agreed right off that neither of us was comfortable with formal settings, so we never did the stiff, formal restaurant thing where you worry about which fork to use. We started out in a relaxed environment where we could concentrate on our conversation.
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