Advice for Break-Ups and Dates That Fizzle

During the years after my divorce and annulment, I was blessed to work in an office run by a Catholic corporation. I was surrounded by mostly Catholics who loved their faith and were active participants in it. There was daily mass and weekly adoration. It was a little slice of heaven in a not-so-heavenly time of my life. And it was a great place to meet Catholic men.

One day I met a gentleman who was very attractive, and very Catholic. We began dating and it seemed so right and easy... until after a month or so, he decided to call it off. He wanted to date someone else. Ouch. I thought everything about the relationship was right on target. His decision to end our bourgening relationship left me feeling yet again, extremely discouraged.

In reflecting afterwards, I wondered if I was less attractive because I was becoming too set in my ways or something. Not because of this one breakup, but because of many over time. Not because of this one person who didn't think I was the right one for him, but the many who seemed like a great fit but in the end, it was a one-sided perception.

Ever feel this way?

In an effort to encourage you, someone might say things like: "Don't be disappointed."

"Shake it off and keep going."

"You'll find someone else who will treat you right."

Blah, blah blah, blah blah. It doesn't change the disappointment and the challenge of having to dust yourself off, get up and start all over with the same child-like enthusiasm over finding a lasting love relationship.

Remember These Two Important Things

Well, my friends, I have two pieces of advice for you that I hope will help you if you are experiencing this kind of disappointment right now.

The first is simply that whenever I look back at my life and see the disappointments that have taken place, 99% of the time I can see the purpose in what happened. As far as breaking up goes, I can see much more clearly that the guy I was with was clearly not the one for me, but I couldn't see it in the moment. Time and distance focuses the lense of common sense and I encourage you to wait for time to pass and then look back. You will likely see the breakup as a blessing in disguise.

Second, don't doubt your self-worth because someone else caught your date's eye. You know I'm a lover of analogies if you read my articles so here's one to help illustrate my point...

Imagine I offered you a crisp, brand new $100 bill, no strings attached. Would you take it? Of course you would!

Now imagine I took that crisp, brand new $100 bill and crumpled it up into a tight little ball, then unfolded it and offered it to you. It's not as nice as the crisp, brand new bill, but it's still money. Do you still want it? Of course you do!

What if I took that $100 bill, threw it on the floor, ground it into the dirt with my foot and kicked it across the room. Would you still want it? I believe you would.

What if I took this miserable, abused piece of paper, tore it in half and dropped it in the trash. Would you fish it out, tape it together and use it because you understood that despite what had happened, it still had great value? I'm willing to bet you would.

This, my friends, is how God sees you. You are worth everything to Him. No matter what has happened to you, He wants you for Himself and He will dive into the garbage to save you and put you back together. He will search the world over and go to the ends of the earth to be with you.

And this is what you need to keep in mind when you are dating and are rejected. The breakups, the inconsistencies, the disappointments can make you feel like you've gotten beaten up, used and abused. But the value of who you are and your unique gifts, talents and ability to love never change.