What I Learned About Love From Watching Hallmark Movies

I’ve been watching a lot of Hallmark movies lately. I’m a TV writer, so I have to watch them. You know, for “research.” The more I watch them, the more I want to live inside a Hallmark movie. The cute, perky career woman pursuing her dreams…the handsome, hunky guy who’s also sensitive and loves dogs…

After a few minor complications for 90 minutes, they realize they’re meant for each other and everything wraps up with a romantic kiss. Who wouldn’t want to live in a Hallmark movie? You know what I’m talking about.

We like these movies because they feed into our romantic fantasies of finding love and living happily ever after. We never get to see what happens after the movie ends.

Maybe the couple experiences an unbroken string of insanely happy years that only ends when death does them part. Maybe they fight over the laundry he leaves laying around the house. Maybe she becomes an alcoholic. Maybe they get divorced. We never get to see it because Hallmark movies end at just the right moment, when the characters unite and there’s nothing but hope on the horizon. And that’s where we all want to live, isn’t it?

Well, there’s bad news and good news. Life isn’t a Hallmark movie. But we can take lessons from them. I don’t mean you’re going to find a handsome carpenter who’s actually a lawyer too. Or a beautiful interior designer who lives only to make you a happy husband. Maybe that will happen in real life, and that would be awesome. But whether your life turns out like a Hallmark movie or not, there are things you can learn from them.

Living for romantic love is not living

For one, we shouldn’t be living solely for romantic love. In most Hallmark movies, the heroine is usually not pining for love. She’s independent and focused on her career or pursuing her dream. Only in the midst of this does she happen to find love with a man. That’s not a bad lesson. We shouldn’t be living only to find a romantic partner.

We should be living our lives, pursuing our dreams, and serving others even if we don’t have a lover. That usually makes us more attractive anyway, and if we’re fortunate, maybe a romantic partner will come along too.

Don't lie; if you love dogs then say it

Also, we should always try to be open and to communicate. The dramatic conflict in most Hallmark movies comes from simple misunderstandings or a failure to be honest. If the perky veterinarian just admitted up front that she’s always loved the cute guy who trains dogs then they could just get together and move on. But instead, she has to attempt a convoluted makeover and he has to stick with his evil fiancee for too long. Otherwise, there’d be no movie.

Eros is not the goal

Another thing that Hallmark movies can teach us is this: real love does exist. But this gets down to the question of what love really is. Hallmark movies show us eros, the butterflies and sexual tension and sensual desire we all crave. Those are all great things. But real love is agape, the Greek term for the highest form of love. It’s the kind that enables us to forgive, respect, and serve one another, even when it’s difficult.

Hallmark love is essentially immature. It’s the thrill of the chase and the delicious possibilities of romance and the longing gaze into your lover’s eyes. Again, there’s nothing wrong with those things. In fact, they’re great gifts to be enjoyed. But real love doesn’t end there. It starts after the credits roll.

Real love happens in the everyday humdrum of life where bad breath meets annoying habits, but we find a way to love each other anyway. Real love happens when a woman has a miscarriage and her husband sticks out the pain alongside her. It happens when the husband gets cancer and his wife helps take care of him. Are we prepared for that kind of love?

We want the real thing

In the end, none of us really wants to live inside a Hallmark movie. We want the kind of love that grows beyond that. We want sacrificial care. We want someone who loves us when we’re unloveable. We don’t just want eros. We want agape.

So let’s enjoy our Hallmark movies while we’re watching them. But let’s know there’s a lot more to life than a Hallmark movie can provide. Hallmark movies can offer a pleasant romantic escape. But they can’t provide true love. Only real life can do that.