When You Want a Turkey Dinner, But You Get a Turkey Sandwich

This Thanksgiving and Christmas will be spent without my family at the table and that makes me miserable. I am trying not to whine about this new reality. But, it is going to take Herculean fortitude to cultivate a grateful heart this year.

Why the change, you ask? My family lost its patriarch a few months ago. When Dad died, my siblings, children and grandchildren decided to abandon a 50-year Thanksgiving and Christmas tradition. Instead of traveling over the river and through the woods to grandfather’s house, they are heading to new destinations. They seem excited about starting new customs. Me—not so much.

How do people adjust to new realities—especially those they don’t like—without becoming bitter? There has to be a way to gracefully accept difficult situations without bearing resentment. But where do you find the answer or learn the secret to cultivating a grateful heart in the midst of disappointment?

A perfect stranger made me refocus

In my case, insight came from a perfect stranger. (God found a way to terminate my pity party by placing me in a sobering situation that reset my attitude.) Here’s what happened.

I was scheduled to give a parenting presentation at a local parish. Before the program began, a young woman struck up a conversation. She asked me about my family and I told her the basics. I returned the question and she told me she was recently widowed. Her husband had been recently killed in a car accident. She had two teenagers. With a very tender and loving look, she disclosed how difficult the holidays would be for her family. She wanted to make it through the holidays without becoming dispirited or cynical.

“What do you think you are going to do?” I asked. Her response humbled me. “I’m going to trust in God. He will provide all that my family needs. He is always full of surprises.”

What a message!

This holy and lovely lady gave me a divine tune-up. She redirected my thinking. God is to be trusted. He does provide. He does surprise. If a heart is to be grateful despite disappointment, one has to lean into God.

In a weird sort of way, this woman found gratitude amidst her tragic loss. She seemed thankful that her heart hurt because it reminded her that God created her (and us) to live in community. The deep desire in her heart to love and be love encouraged her to reach out to God and others. Her confidence in God and others would bring her through the holidays without remorse.

This is practical wisdom for all of us; when life doesn’t turn out the way we want, we should trust God to provide for and surprise us. If we are faithful, His plan will convert our discontent into gratitude. He will shine light into our darkest moments.

Here are three practical ways to make it through the holiday season. Do your best to be amazed by God’s joy and blessings in times of darkness and discontent.

1. First, become aware of God’s blessings in your life.

Some are small (enough milk for your breakfast cereal) others are shocking (no red lights driving to work) and others amazing (finding $50 in a coat pocket). They are usually unexpected surprises.

2. Next, dare to serve others when you are discontented.

Stop thinking about what you want and begin focusing on what others mind need. Be more present to the people in your life. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Listen more intently. Be patient. Be kind.

3. Finally, share your thanks abundantly.

Respond to every act of kindness with a sincere thank you. Grocery clerks long to hear it. Co-workers do too. Even God is fond of the phrase. No kindness is too small to overlook.