The National Catholic Singles Conference might seem like a “last resort” type of event for some. Certainly, that’s how some participants treat it. But if you look closely, you notice that the event revolves around the most important relationship in your life, and doesn’t involve a spouse. It’s the relationship between you and God.
Takeaway #1: God doesn't guarantee you a spouse, because people aren't commodities to trade or use.
Speaker Mary Beth Bonacci came right out and said it: God might not “have someone for you.” I’ve never liked that phrase. It sounds as if God is like a cruel genie, waiting until you wish hard enough or say the right combination of words before he gives you the thing you want.
With hilarity and wit, Bonacci reminded the crowd that God does not guarantee you a spouse. People aren’t commodities. And we need to remember that, just like pornography, using someone to fulfill the emotional desires of our heart is just as harmful as using someone’s body for pleasure.
Takeaway #2: A real relationship requires maturity and security.
The emphasis on personal growth and holiness was most clear in Jim Martini’s session on maturity. You might think that a conference of adults whose median age was between 35 and 55 would be, well, mature.
Isn’t being an adult synonymous with being mature? Not necessarily. Do the following phrases bring anyone to mind? Do they remind you of yourself?
- I need someone to manage my emotions for me
- I don’t know how to find my joy again after I’m emotionally disrupted
- I’m uncomfortable taking risks so I refuse to do so
- I expect other to take care of my needs without me asking
- I cannot receive love I don’t feel like I’ve earned
- I don’t know how to rest
These are just a few examples. How often in our society, in our social circles, do we meet a person who is unable to rest? How many friends do we know who are unable to receive a compliment? How many relationships fall apart because someone isn’t able to read our minds and take care of us?
Takeaway #3: Our vocation is to reach Heaven, not a wedding day or ordination.
I’m not one for a lot of “singles events” to be honest. I might be a single Catholic woman in her upper 20’s, but I refuse to label myself by my relationship status. My life is so much more than that. And before someone starts on “vocation” talk, remember that our vocation is sainthood. Our mission is to reach Heaven. Not a wedding day. Not an ordination day. Eternity. The life we lead on earth is meant to get us there.
One of the things I appreciated about the conference was the access to the Sacraments. Mass every day, perpetual Adoration, and constant confession available all lent itself to a metanoia, or a turning of the heart, back toward the One who loves us most.
Takeaway #4: My favorite title for God is “Lover of Us All," and as single people, we need to love even more deeply.
No human can satisfy the depths of my heart or your heart for love. As members of the Body of Christ, however, we are called to share God’s love with each other. That requires intentionally building a common life together, being vulnerable with each other, and holding others in mutual affection.
As unattached individuals, we have
free time to seek Him and grow. As Church, as the Body of Christ, we should be lights in this dark world for our brothers and sisters who are struggling to find their way.
We should be the ones our non-Christian friends turn to when they want to seek healing, because we should be seeking our own wholeness. Everyone is wounded.
But if we are continuously drawing closer to our Lord, then we see that even after His resurrection He still bore his wounds, but they were glorified. No longer painful but purposeful. Beautiful, even, to those who knew Him. To His disciples, to His community, they were signs of his life and mission. Fulton Sheen once said, “Sometimes the only way the good Lord can get into some hearts is to break them.”
There were two high-profile suicides the week before the conference, Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. There are on average 123 suicides a day in the U.S. The majority are military veterans.
I believe there is a diabolical pervasive epidemic of loneliness in our culture. We are called, as humans, married or not, to be places of safety and refuge from the modern world for souls to breathe and expand. We are called to be reflections of Christ, and as such to invite people into the Kingdom of God, our one true home for which every soul is longing.
The NCSC was a good example of how being alone, relationship-wise, and being lonely are not synonymous.
If you’re flying solo right now, use this time as an opportunity to dive deep into the heart of Christ and seek healing from your wounds. Use this time to strengthen the bonds of friendship and find the people that you want to grow old with in a retirement home. Mentor younger Christians on their journey in the faith. Go get that Master’s degree you’ve always wanted. Write your novel. The process of becoming saints is a lifelong journey.
If you would like to find out more about attending the next National Catholic Singles Conference, check out the website or sign up for their newsletter.
