This Single Dad Found His Match in Ontario

Photo credit: Rebecca Atkinson

With her college days drawing to a close, one phase of Bethany’s life had reached its end. Unlike the seasons of the year, however, the phases of our lives do not flow automatically one into the other. They are carried forward by the choices and steps we take. And Bethany, ready to move on to the next season of her life, was proactive. At 24 years old, and as 2015 dissolved into 2016, she resolved that she would start seriously looking for ‘the one’ (presumably meaning her soul mate and not a prophesied savior of mankind: she’d already found one of those).

Proving herself a prodigy in her own generation, she actually carried out her New Years’ resolution by getting herself a CatholicMatch account in February. After a few months, it occurred to her that she was paying for this service, so she might as well make full use of it by trying out all the features. This included the chat rooms.

It was there that she (virtually speaking) bumped into Frank, a 29 year old from Louisiana.

“He was a convert from the Baptist denomination,” she said. “Who found his way into the arms of the Catholic Church through the prayers and witness of his sister and through the early writings of Sts. Peter and Paul. His conversion story truly is amazing!”

But they weren't interested in dating each other.

PC: Annemarie Gruden

Neither thought too much about the encounter at first. They enjoyed chatting and seemed to share many values and ideas. Frank impressed Bethany by the conviction with which he pursued his newfound Catholic faith, and with the care he showed to his family. Plus he was funny, which, to paraphrase Miss Austen, a man ought likewise to be if he possibly can. After a few exchanges in the chat room, he messaged her and they struck up a correspondence.

Still, she didn’t think much of it. One thing she had already decided was that she didn’t want a long-distance relationship, and Frank lived eighteen hundred miles away from her home in Ontario. Not to mention he had a daughter, and she wasn’t eager to become a mother that quickly. Frank hadn’t even shown up in her searches for those very reasons. But, of course, there was no reason she couldn’t have a long-distance friendship with an interesting correspondent, was there?

Frank, however, had other ideas.

“My initial attraction to Bethany began from reading her profile,” he explained. “I sensed purity and holiness. As conversations progressed, it was her virtue, tenderness and clarity, mixed with traditional Catholic family values that led to me to want to marry her.”

Before long, as their correspondence expanded to include regular phone calls and video chats, they both began to reconsider their aversion to long-distance relationships.

PC: Annemarie Gruden

As it turned out, starting their relationship from a couple thousand miles away had some advantages. It made arranging times to ‘meet’ and talk more difficult, especially as they both had busy schedules they had to work around. Since it required a fair amount of coordination just to be able to talk, they were forced to learn very quickly how to communicate their needs to each other and to respect one another’s time and wishes.

It also required them to trust each other, since each needed to rely on the other to actually show up for their fugitive chats. It was difficult and frustrating at times.

But they kept at it, learning as they went, because when they were able to talk, it was all worth it. Frank and Bethany would chat about everything under the sun, and quite a few things beyond it; about their shared faith, about their families, about their hopes and dreams, their day to day struggles, and just everything there was to talk about. From regular correspondence, to weekly phone calls, to daily chats, their hearts and minds drew closer, despite the physical distance between.

“We built a solid, Catholic friendship over the phone and through video chats,” Bethany said, describing the experience.

Finally, it got to the point where they decided they had to meet, eighteen hundred miles or no eighteen hundred miles. They arranged for Bethany to fly down to meet him in November, about six months after they first met online.

They had talked for 6 months, but had never met in person...

A week before the journey, Frank called Bethany to share something. Most men probably would have waited to see her in person, but Frank wasn’t most men. He was confident and self-assured, and when he believed something, he believed it fully. It was this quality that had helped draw Bethany to him in the first place.

He told her that he thought God wanted him to marry her.

Bethany was shocked, not so much because Frank was talking marriage before they’d even seen each other face-to-face, but because her own father had used almost the same words to propose to her mother: “I think the Lord wants me to marry you.”

PC: Annemarie Gruden

She didn’t tell him this at the time, and the trip went ahead as planned. At last they met face to face. The relationship that had grown so intimate online blossomed even further in person. In addition to finally meeting Frank, Bethany was able to meet his daughter.

She had long since begun to accustom herself to the idea of possibly being a stepmother, and having spent years as a nanny prepared her to make fast friends with the girl. The whole visit was everything they had hoped it would be.

Early on in her second trip to see Frank, Bethany was set to go meet Frank’s parents. The morning before, they went to Mass and confession together, perhaps on account of the alarming prospect before her. As they knelt side-by-side in prayer, Frank gently slipped his hand into hers. It was then that Bethany realized that she wanted to marry him too.

A few months later, Frank flew to Ottawa to visit Bethany in his turn. She took him to St. Joseph’s oratory, where again they knelt in prayer, and again he took her hand in his. This time, thought, he began fidgeting with one of her fingers.

She could guess what would happen next.

“The wedding was absolutely beautiful.” Bethany said. “It felt so sacred being in the Cathedral of the capital city of the country (Notre Dame Cathedral, Ottawa). The organist and soloist were amazing, and the atmosphere was just so joyful! It was a beautiful day.” The couple got married on October 7th, 2017.

Neither Frank nor Bethany had any doubts about their marriage. It was the surest thing either of them had ever done. The same things they loved about each other over the phone are what they love about each other now that they live under the same roof: honesty, integrity, humor, and commitment to one another’s welfare. Turns out the qualities that allowed them to conquer the obstacles of distance are the same ones that allow them to create a blissful marriage.