The Insanity Of This One Prayer Was What I Needed To Heal From Divorce

If there's one big lesson I learned during the years I was trying to recover from my divorce, it's definitely that the world has a very different idea of how to heal those wounds than what will actually heal them.

I had been working hard to repair my life for several years and was having a lot of trouble trying to move past the pain. I had tried dating and at one point had gotten into a relationship because I had been told repeatedly that once I had someone new to focus on I would forget about the pain. But in the end, I only felt more hurt, and definitely did not experience any healing.

So to avoid insanity—you know, doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results—I decided to take a different approach and look at healing from a completely spiritual perspective. A friend of mine referred me to a priest, Father Peter, for spiritual direction, and wow, was I in for a surprise.

Each time we met, Father Peter gave me homework to complete before our next meeting. But, his request to complete my homework on one particular occasion brought everything to a screeching halt for me. He asked me to learn a specific prayer and pray it every day, but it was definitely a tough one to obey. Why in the world would he ask me to pray a ridiculous prayer like the Litany of Humility?

Wait... What?

The first time I read through the prayer, I thought it was a joke! I just couldn’t believe what I was reading.

From the desire of being esteemed, deliver me, Jesus…

From the desire of being loved, deliver me, Jesus…

This is supposed to be my prayer? Seriously?

Wait a minute...

This prayer was in direct contradiction to all the sage advice counselors and friends had given me over the years; advice that was supposed to help me feel better about myself, to help me regain my sense of self-esteem. After all, I was trying to heal from the single most devastating experience of my life–the betrayal and abandonment of my spouse.

From the fear of being despised, deliver me, Jesus…

From the fear of being forgotten, deliver me, Jesus…

From the fear of being wronged, deliver me, Jesus…

Hey, wait! I didn’t want to be more despised, more forgotten, and suffer more wrongs than I already had! I was beginning to think Father Peter was insane!

The Wisdom of the World Is Folly

“There’s someone better out there for you,” was something I heard often, and, “It’s time to reinvent yourself and go out there and get what you want in life” was advice given by a trusted confidant. My mind wandered back to one particular counselor I saw who told me, “You’re young and you have your whole life ahead of you. Stop being sad and go out and find someone who will treat you like the princess you are!”

No, something was wrong with this prayer. I need to repair my sense of worthiness, not pray that it be taken away!

Father Peter explained that in praying this prayer, I was not asking for those things to actually happen to me, but instead, I was letting go of two major obstacles that were standing in my way of healing: fear and disordered desires.

His explanation really opened my eyes to the truth.

The Wrong Approach

I had been led to believe the right way to address the pain of being divorced was to indulge myself and focus on “me.” I had been convinced that through working to elevate my level of self-esteem in this manner, I would find the peace and healing I sought.

My heart had become cluttered with anger, resentment, a desire for retribution, and self-pity, so really, what sort of internal resources did I have to draw from? Feeding my ego might feel good in the moment, but the return on that investment was emptiness. I needed to find my self-worth in God, my creator. He would provide me with all the strength, healing and forgiveness I needed.

That made so much sense, I decided to give it a try. The first few times I prayed this powerful litany I was reluctant, but as I continued to pray it day after day, I actually began to get into it.

I realized that, at its root, humility holds the key to healing from hurt because humility is the basis of charity. I can’t really heal, unless I forgive. I can’t forgive, if I don’t have charity. When I’m hurt, I can’t find that charity I need to forgive unless I have humility. It is humility that nurtures the seed of charity and prompts me to forgive.

“Humility is to charity what the foundation is to a building” (Divine Intimacy, pg. 312)

If you struggle with finding healing now the way I struggled so many years ago, I encourage you to turn your focus inward—not outward—and pray the Litany of Humility each day. I believe you will witness an amazing transformation in your healing process.