Susie Lloyd: Letter To My Sensitive Single Self

Dear The Old Me,

No offense but you're way too sensitive.

I know, people can be such jerks. They're always stepping on your toes. Literally. Remember that bridal shower you got invited to and somebody accidentally stepped back and landed on your feet? It didn't hurt except that they didn't care. They didn't say sorry. You pointed at your feet to let them know.

Sometimes you embarrass me.

I'm not telling you you shouldn't be sensitive at all. Sensitiveness is a gift. Once you learn to manage it, you'll enjoy it. It will make you pray early in the morning when no one's up, try hard to understand other people, and annually recite Friends, Romans, Countrymen on the Ides of March while your family shouts, "Read the will!" back at you.

But right now it's just making you insecure.

You are dating Greg, the man you will marry.

He looks like the prince in the Cinderella cartoon.

He has no confidence issues whatsoever. And he's a brain.

He's out of your league.

You keep expecting him to break up with you. He won't. You are the same way with God.

You have no idea why God would love you. I mean, He created the Universe and you can't even make chicken. Plus, you have no patience for anything especially yourself. You keep thinking God is going to break up with you. He won't.

This insecurity thing is causing you to avoid a Really Big Issue.

Greg's family.

You are totally uncomfortable around them. You have no idea how to bring this up to Greg. (What if he breaks up with you?) So you don't.

I feel for you. But you're being a wimp. The wedding will not make it go away; it will make it permanent. You are soon going to take vows. This means you are going to be related to these people until you die. You have got to stop being afraid of them if you are ever going to love them.

By the way, why are you trying to deal with this stuff all by yourself? Tell your parents.

Right now, your future in-laws say that you and Greg “deserve each other.” They mean, “You're both difficult.”

They are right. (And it takes one to know one.)

Neither of you sees the other's difficult side right now. You're in love; you think the other person is perfect.

You know what?

Enjoy it.

Don't let anyone take that away from you. It's part of what Dr. Alice von Hildebrand calls your Tabor Vision. You know how the apostles saw Jesus in transfigured on Mt. Tabor? They were like, "Let's stay here forever!" Jesus arranged that moment because they were about to see him suffer.

You'll know each other's faults soon enough. You'll know your own faults too. It would be nice if people could go into marriage knowing what their faults are, but that's not how it usually goes. Marriage is not like the movies where your love is tested and then you are rewarded with marriage. In real life, marriage itself is the proving ground of your love.

That's why you promise to love each other. You vow to love each other. Love is not a response to a perfect state of affairs. It's an action verb. You will renew your vow to love every day.

Try not to worry. God promised you the grace of Matrimony. Ask Him for it. As you grow in love for your husband and for the seven children you will have together, you will actually feel the grace at times. It will feel funny.

Literally.

You and Greg will be arguing, and suddenly you'll both stop and realize that you sound ridiculous. Ridiculously funny. The two of you should take it on the road. The dialogue is good enough to write down. But you're too busy laughing.

That is grace.

Laughter, my sensitive single self, is how you are finally going to get over yourSELF. It's the best weapon sensitive people have. Keep it sharp.

While you're at it, get some steel tipped shoes. You're going to live with eight other people in a small house and sooner or later, they are all going to step on your feet.

Peace,

The New and Older You