Older Singles, Here's Your Guide to Getting Through the Holidays!
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Facing the holiday season with a grim outlook?
The holidays are an especially tough time for folks who have experienced a loss of any kind. And this includes singles, as they are mourning the loss of their future that has not yet occurred. The Advent and Christmastide holidays transport one into an abode of joy and festivities that are meant to focus our attention and gratitude on the things above. A significant part of the commemoration is the community one enjoys with family, friends, and the Church.
But what if you are single and do not have your own family to celebrate with? Yes, you may still have friends to enjoy and church events to attend. These do help to assuage the loneliness and pain. However, it does not take it away completely.
As a person who struggled with prolonged singleness until the age of 42, there were certain Christmas projects that I found harder to do as I grew older without a spouse of my own. These were activities specific to the celebration of the season, activities I could have shared with others either in person or performed in the spirit of giving and love.
The holiday-specific projects I wrestled with the most may be ones that you do as well.
I would like to share them with you, as well as how I managed them, for good and for bad:
1. Someone to put the Christmas tree up with.
I have always enjoyed putting up a tree, hanging ornaments, and modestly decorating my home with Christmas seasonal décor. I continued to do this throughout my thirties because it was important to me, and it was part of how I awaited and rejoiced in the birth of our savior.
The aloneness I felt as I grew older seemed amplified during the holidays. Right before I met my husband, there were three years that I did not put up a Christmas tree or decorate. All I could manage the strength for was to set out my Advent wreath. I did light the candles and pray the blessings each Sunday night.
2. Someone to buy presents for.
I did buy presents for friends and family. However, it always seemed like something was awry in that I was not buying for my own family. I would watch from afar, and sometimes close-up, as my friends would talk about the gifts they would be selecting for their husbands. And I felt very left out.
I participated in Angel Tree giving and office adoptions of families in need. To be honest, this giving never removed the desire I had to give to a spouse of my own. And that is because it is not meant to. These are good works, and we should do them. However, a work of mercy and the fulfillment of one’s vocation to the Sacrament of Matrimony fulfill two diverse needs and desires in our lives and in the world.
3. Someone to look at Christmas lights in the neighborhood or attend a local festivity with.
Where I live, there are many Christmas attractions, from lighted theme parks to private homes that put up a lighted extravaganza. It is no fun to go to these alone. Most people I know go as a family. In the throes of my prolonged singleness, it was very painful to miss these as I enjoy holiday displays so much.
Of course, once in a while, I did find someone to go with me or I tagged along with another friend. One time, I asked a friend to drive around the neighborhood with me so we could look at Christmas lights. I just love all the beauty the season has to offer. Also, the display of the lights in the dark of the night is such a reminder that Jesus came to be a light, to free us from the darkness of sin.
Through the difficulties, lean on God's grace and comfort.
Two scriptures give credence as to why singles struggle with aloneness during this season and throughout the rest of the year. The first is Genesis 2:18, “The LORD God said: It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suited to him.’” The second verse is Psalm 68:6: "God gives a home to the forsaken." Regarding Psalm 68:6, other translations read, “He puts the lonely in families.”
If you are struggling with prolonged singleness this Christmas season, hang in there. Do what you can to celebrate the birth of our Savior. Pray that He redeems your prolonged singleness by putting you in your own family with your own spouse. This is His answer to the “not goodness” of being alone. God wants to help you, as He came into the world to free us from darkness. Let the light of the season lead you to a renewed sense of prayer for a suitable spouse and marriage.
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