Marriage During a Sick Pregnancy: How to Cope!

This is probably one of the most common health struggles among young married couples.

You get that positive pregnancy test and are overjoyed (or shocked!) by the idea of your growing family. And then, the morning sickness hits. The hypertension. The gestational diabetes. The hospital visits. Nights in the ER. Countless ultrasounds when you hold your breath until you hear that tiny heartbeat.

Sick pregnancies are no fun. My family and friends all told me my first pregnancy was one of the sickest ones they’d ever seen. Chronic illnesses piled on top of normal pregnancy symptoms which piled on top of several new infections. Amid the blur of it all, I remember my husband picking me up off the floor where I’d passed out, my siblings driving me to get IVs which exploded my veins, my parents sitting up overnight at my hospital bed, and my poor husband again finding me on the floor and starting the whole process over. 

Suffice it to say that pregnancies, especially the sick ones, can put major stress on a marriage! 

Here are some tips we used to cope with the stress, illness, and changes during pregnancy. I would love this to be an encouragement to any couple going through a frightening pregnancy, because I know just how isolated and worrisome it can feel!

1. Remind yourself, every day, that this is a temporary situation.

Every baby will arrive, and every pregnancy will end. The sickness and complications will be over this time next year. As my husband lovingly reminded me so often, “this too shall pass.” You might feel better after this trimester is over, or you might be sick the entire time. It will be awful and you will feel terrible about many things during this season. But it is temporary. Sit tight and white knuckle it through for a little while. Better times are around the corner.

2. Call in your support system!

This is the time to ask for help, especially if you have other children to take care of. Text family, call friends, or ask around church for the things you need. Maybe you need some meals dropped off? Perhaps someone else could pick up the other kids from school? Or do you just need someone to talk to on the phone? Whatever it is, don’t be afraid to speak up. Often, when people offer to help, we feel like we have to say no to save face or be strong. (Or is that just a Midwestern thing?) But during hard times, it’s better to accept a hand. You’re in need, and Christians are called to help those in need!

3. Connect with and pray for your child.

The baby you’re carrying is a real live person, and can hear your voice very early on. No matter what complications are going on in your pregnancy, that life is valued and God-willed. So talk to your child, pray for them, sing them songs, and talk about him/her with your family and kids. Reflect a little on what you’re doing at the moment: “Whoever receives one child such as this in my name, receives me.” (Matthew 18:5.) That’s exactly what you’re doing right now, receiving a little child in His name. And that is both spouses’ top priority right now.

4. Set up a successful routine both at home and for the hospital visits.

I’ve talked before about the importance of setting up your home environment to accommodate illness. Rethinking things like furniture placement, kitchen setup, and access to things like toothbrushes or shampoo can go a long way in easing daily frustrations. Consider getting groceries delivered, doing telemedicine doctor appointments, and organizing your daily routines into an easy pattern. Use this same mentality during hospital visits. You can even use some of your sick time to learn more about a personal hobby. For example, I set up an educational Youtube playlist to watch while I waited hours receiving IV medicines. Since that happened twice a week for months, I learned a loooooot about painting!

5. Rethink date night.

Spouses need to connect with each other, but when you’re throwing up every thirty minutes, it’s hard to go out to dinner. Be creative about making time for each other—the most important thing is that you are spending time talking together and communicating. If that’s sitting on the couch holding hands while your toddler watches cartoons, so be it. Maybe you can text each other over lunch break. Perhaps you could even take a nap together. Just try, each day, to find a little quality time to spend as a couple. This too shall pass, and eventually you will go out to dinner again!

6. Pray. Together and apart.

As a family and as spouses. However and whenever you can. Reliance on God is often built during the hard times; loosen your grip on the reins and let Him direct you instead. Turn to saints for pregnancy intercession: Saints Giana Beretta Mola and Gerard Majella are patron saints of expectant mothers and unborn children; Saint Juliana is patron saint of chronic illness; and Saint Peregrine Laziosi is a patron saint of illness in general. The saints are fantastic friends during this time—don’t be afraid to ask them, or your own friends and family, for prayers.

All pregnancies end. Mine did, with a close call at the very end of labor. (Our little boy came into the world with a flair for the dramatic!) His birth brought so much more than the end of pregnancy illness. He brought unspeakable joy to our marriage, our extended relatives, and of course to our Catholic church community. It’s been so clear how God sent him into our lives at such an unexpected, but terrifically perfect, time. Your child has been given to you in the same way. Despite the fear and illness and complications you may have, rejoice in the life God has given your family!